The Christmas list is no longer just for children. Among adults too, we now send each other by SMS or email a series of wishes, sometimes very detailed, to avoid disappointments or “misses” under the tree. For many, it’s a simple way to lighten the mental load: no need to search for hours, just draw on the ideas proposed.
With the list, no more “misses” under the tree
For older children who still like to make their list, this logic has its advantages: we limit errors, we avoid duplicates, we have fun without exhausting ourselves. In the end everyone wins, right? But as the practice becomes more widespread, a question arises: through calibrated exchanges, does Christmas not become a system of cross-orders? A party where we give each other gifts of equal value, without surprises, without exploration, without that little thrill that once made magic? As a simple due, ultimately.
“Christmas becomes an Excel table”: the drift pointed out by the psychologist
For Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, this shift is not new but can paradoxically increase the mental load of the holidays. She describes it precisely:
“Every year, it starts the same: a list. Then two. Then ten. (…) When suddenly, Christmas becomes an Excel table (when we manage to do it… otherwise it’s a huge mess). We’re in management. In performance.”
When efficiency no longer leaves room for the unexpected
Behind the multiplication of lists, she thus detects a Christmas that has become “productive”, where everyone feels responsible for the general satisfaction, the smooth running of the celebration, and the absence of false notes.
This latent perfectionism transforms joy into an objective, almost into an injunction.
“Everything must be perfect, everyone must be happy, nothing is missing. Joy becomes an objective, no longer really something spontaneous. By wanting to do well, we end up exhausted… and a little emptied of the very meaning of the celebration.”
However, the psychologist recalls that the essence of Christmas was initially based on simplicity, whether we make it religious or not:
“It was a time when we came together. A break in the year. (…) Everything that creates an atmosphere, a breath, magic. Not this race for gifts which ends up making us forget the essentials”.
The lights, the windows, the advent calendar, the letter to Santa Claus… so many little rituals which nourished a collective imagination. Today, the careful management of gifts tends to replace spontaneous emotion and shared astonishment.
So, how can we restore meaning?
To find a more embodied and less automatic Christmas, Amélie Boukhobza insists on one principle: playing down the drama of the holidays.
“Maybe by reducing the pressure. By remembering that no one is expecting the perfect gift, just attention.”
Putting the emphasis back on the moment rather than the object, favoring the relationship rather than the performance, reconnecting with simple gestures are entirely possible options at Christmas.
“Cooking something for someone, writing a sincere note, sharing a drink before the tumult. Making the connection a little more embodied… that counts too, let’s not forget that.”
It may seem modest, but for her, this is where the essential thing comes back to life.
Ultimately, the Christmas list is not bad in itself: it reassures, it simplifies. But when it becomes a mechanical ritual, it can stifle the spirit of celebration that it sought to preserve. Bringing back the magic to Christmas perhaps means accepting imperfection, leaving room for surprise and returning to what makes the essence of the moment: connection, warmth, simplicity. And that cannot be ordered from a list or online!