In the documentary Hallyday by David broadcast this Wednesday, December 10 on M6, Johnny Hallyday’s son opened the doors of his chalet in the Alps, but also those of his heart. The one who has shared Alexandra Pastor’s life for almost 23 years indeed seems fulfilled by his life as a husband and head of the family that he created. But while he admits that his wife has long been his “best friend“, what is the risk of being too complicit with your other half? Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist, analyzes this particular romantic status for True Medical.
“Best Lover and Best Friend”
While many personalities have admitted that their spouse was both “their lover and their best friend” – like Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds or Chrissy Teigen and John Legend (Jean Dujardin going so far as to describe his former partner, Alexandra Lamy, as “friend with tits”) – is it really a good idea to consider the other person as your best “friend”?
Considering these different testimonies, it would seem that yes: friendship with one’s partner, in addition to passion, would have beneficial effects. It would nourish the relationship and could even contribute to its longevity… to the point that this complicity is sometimes perceived as an indicator of good romantic health.
However, Pascal Anger expresses some reservations about this model, emphasizing “that it remains essential not to confuse friendship and love” otherwise there is a risk of eroding desire.
“Cronism kills desire”
Surprise ! Perfect osmosis with your partner (entrusting everything to him, being 100% natural with him, having the same common interests, etc.) can extinguish desire and make common projects less reciprocal.
“There shouldn’t be too much complicity either. Security/familiarity in a relationship can be sweet and beneficial, but it should not take precedence over the stimulation we provide to each other. Balance is essential!”, states the psychologist in the preamble.
A smooth couple can indeed be “restful”, but this too stable presence risks lacking mystery, surprises… and that little spark that keeps desire alive.
“Commitment is fundamental, but it must generate desire, and reciprocal desire, otherwise complicity will end up “putting you to sleep”, warns the specialist again. Little touches are also important but if they are not nourished or enriched, they fade over time.
alert Pascal Anger.
In other words: cronyism kills desire. Preserving a bit of mystery and knowing how to create distance are all good habits that allow you to maintain balance (for this, an outing with friends, a cinema, a new sports club are all activities that will allow you to “leave” the home for a moment and create these famous life-saving breaks for your relationship).
“I say it quite often in my office: being too attached to each other prevents you from being fully happy and in love,” confirms Pascal Anger. “The magic of the couple lies in an intellectual and emotional complicity, but also in the ability to open up to the world and to others, so as not to reduce the relationship to a simple friendship,”
he summarizes.
Jealousy and humor can help you keep the flame alive
In everyday life, a little jealousy can therefore be beneficial: it brings spice and maintains a form of play between partners. Humor, playful behavior and individual interests are essential.
“Don’t limit yourself to common interests. Fantasy and variety allow you to reinvent complicity while avoiding routine, which is the enemy of desire,” concludes Pascal Anger.