In the show Love is Blind on Netflix, a candidate claimed to look like Megan Fox to seduce a suitor. A behavior described as “pick me”, according to a dating expert. This phenomenon, which pushes some people to do everything to be chosen or preferred, can have negative consequences on social and romantic relationships. Decryption.
What is a “Pick Me”?
The phrase “Pick Me Girl” or “Pick Me Boy” refers to a person who actively seeks to be noticed and valued, often by emphasizing traits that are expected to please others. This can result in an excessive attitude to stand out, even if it means denigrating oneself or demeaning others. There is also a desire to meet the expectations of potential partners, sometimes to the detriment of one’s authenticity. All of this adds up to a dependence on social approval and external scrutiny to exist in a relationship.
Emma Hathorn, dating expert for Seeking.com, explains that this behavior is detrimental to healthy relationships because it relies on a quest for attention rather than a genuine emotional connection.
How does this attitude manifest?
“Pick Me Girls” and “Pick Me Boys” adopt different strategies:
- “Pick Me Girls” distinguish themselves by pretending to be “different from other girls”, often by downplaying their own needs or rejecting certain typically feminine behaviors to please men. Example : “I’m not like other girls, I prefer to hang out with boys“.
- “Pick Me Boys” seek to appear as the perfect man by criticizing other men to stand out. Example : “I’m not like those guys who don’t respect women, I’m different“.
In Love is BlindChelsea illustrated this dynamic by claiming she was being compared to Megan Fox, an attempt to gain attention and secure her suitor.
The risks and consequences of a “Pick Me” attitude
This behavior can have serious consequences on personal and social life:
- Loss of authenticity: By playing a role, these people end up distancing themselves from their true personality;
- Trust dependency: Their emotional well-being depends on the views of others, which can weaken them;
- Superficial relationships: By seeking to please at all costs, they risk attracting partners who do not appreciate them for who they really are;
- Reinforcement of stereotypes: These attitudes fuel harmful sexist stereotypes about male-female relationships;
- Criticism and social isolation: Excessively “pick me” behavior can be poorly perceived, leading to rejection by peers;
- Stress and pressure: The constant search for validation can lead to anxiety and frustration.
Focus on authenticity to seduce
To avoid these pitfalls, authenticity is key. Emma Hathorn recommends:
- Stay true to yourself by sincerely sharing your passions and values;
- Do not force yourself to meet the expectations of others;
- Favor sincere interactions and not an accumulation of compliments;
- Avoid criticizing others to show off;
- Show empathy and listening, signs of emotional maturity.
By cultivating self-confidence and dignity, we naturally attract sincere and solid relationships.