Saying “I love you” to the person you are in a relationship with is a crucial step in a relationship. And this moment can sometimes come too soon, without us even really wanting it.
What should you do if these little words escaped you in a tender moment? Rest assured, there is no point in moving to the other side of the country or pleading for amnesia… Instead, here is what psychologist Amélie Boukhobza advises.
Saying “I love you” too quickly happens (and you have to play it down)
Saying “I love you” too quickly is a common thing. Indeed, when you are at the start of a relationship, every look, every gesture seems amplified. And enthusiasm can carry us away faster than expected. As psychologist Amélie Boukhobza summarizes: “When you start a new relationship, the momentum can be very strong. We quickly get excited, and that’s normal. It’s good, even!“
Too early or just at the right time? Evaluate your relationship clearly
Before preparing an escape plan by changing your identity, it is recommended to stop and think. Where are you really at in this relationship? Have you shared any sincere moments? Do you feel understood, heard, respected? Do your life plans seem aligned? Do you feel a deep connection?
So many questions that can allow you to judge lucidly the relationship you have established. The answers will also allow you to better understand whether this “I love you” is premature or simply precipitated by a legitimate emotion.
Moreover, our expert tempers: “Saying ‘I love you’ very early is not necessarily an error of judgment. It is often the expression of an intense, immediate emotion, not yet filtered by time or reason.“
The other’s reaction may vary, and this should not make you flinch.
Once this moment has passed, you know that there are three possibilities: your partner can say “I love you too”, keep silent, or flee the relationship.
In the first case, it’s a good sign, your feelings are shared. That said, be careful not to rush things and want to move in together, for example, the following week.
“The bond is built above all in gestures, actions, constancy, not in the frantic repetition of declarations“, recalls Amélie Boukhobza. Enjoy this moment, but let the rest come naturally.
If his feelings are confused (or not necessarily reciprocal)
Second possibility: he or she does not respond. Don’t panic, even if there’s a chance you’ll be disappointed. Accept that these words may have caught your partner off guard, or that he or she may not be moving at the same pace as you. There’s no need to take it personally or let discomfort set in.
Better to say something like:I know it might have been a little early, but I wanted to tell you how I feel. You don’t have to answer right away.“This simple adjustment can be enough to defuse embarrassment. Things can also change over time.”The main thing is to let the relationship find its own tempo“, assures the psychologist.
Worst case scenario, if the reaction is downright negative, stay dignified
Don’t apologize. You expressed a sincere feeling, and that is respectable. If the other person does not share these feelings, it is not a fault on your part. This will have allowed you to save time, knowing more quickly than expected that this relationship would not work in the long term.