Let’s be honest. The work, the children, the mental load that explodes, sometimes get the better of our intimacy as a couple. When fatigue knocks at the door, it’s often sex that goes by the wayside. And when this is not the case, spontaneous intercourse once all the lights have been turned off still shortens your nights, and makes you tired the next day. So how can you avoid drawing a line under your life as a couple? But not to exhaust yourself?
Decide on the time when nothing is possible
The answer (or at least one of them) was described in the podcast “Just Between Us” by Alice Giddings, a relationship journalist. It’s called the “Cinderella method.”
What does this method say? That to find a satisfying intimate life, it is appropriate to agree on a deadline, a cut-off time, for reports at the end of the day. Just like Cinderella’s carriage turns into a pumpkin again at midnight, beyond this limit, no more cuddles, welcome big pajamas and sleep masks.
“Just set a time limit in your head for when intimacy is no longer a thing – that way you won’t have to worry about being exhausted the next morning.”explains Alice Giddings in Metro UK.
The goal? Think back to the desire “before” this limit (and create opportunities) but do not miss out on the oh-so-necessary sleep of the night.
Planning doesn’t necessarily kill love
For the journalist, the method quickly bore fruit: “This has worked wonders for my partner and I, because although we love spontaneity, we can find it a little more difficult during busy times. There’s also something stimulating about anticipation.”
A point of view that Paolo Furgiuele, sexologist, also explained to us in a previous article. “spontaneity, he said, collapses naturally in many couples, especially in parents: fatigue, lack of time, little mental space… nothing very conducive to sensual abandonment. Faced with this, planning is an option that can rebalance enthusiasm.
“In real life, planning an intimate moment means putting care back into the couple. It allows time, attention, presence — everything that is missing when everyday life devours energy.”
How to plan… without losing the magic?
The good news is that there is nothing to formalize. We don’t block “10:10 p.m.: last call for our antics” in Google. We create an accomplice meeting. And for this, we can:
- Talk about it simply, as a shared desire;
- Choose a time when we will not be “two zombies surviving”;
- Raise the temperature during the day;
- Take care of the atmosphere a little, or keep it simple, whatever suits you;
- And above all: stay flexible. If one is exhausted, we shift without guilt.
“It is not a question of transforming sexuality into an administrative task, but of creating a protected space for the relationship”supports Paolo Furgiuele.
And after the hour, too bad, without guilt, we postpone until tomorrow, but we enjoy a restful good night, just as important. Last essential detail according to the journalist: the need to make this decision together. “If you decide to implement this rule, be clear about your expectations so that no one feels overwhelmed or is at risk of rejection.“A Cinderella, and her prince, so to speak.