Sometimes all it takes is “everything is fine” to understand that something is wrong. Certain innocuous phrases, spoken in a tone of habit, can mask a deeper unease. And in a relationship, it is often the simplest words that translate the heaviest things left unsaid. So what does your partner really mean when they keep saying they don’t want to argue? A relationship expert, Tina Fey, shared at Hack Spirit seven expressions which, according to her, should arouse your attention. Not to make accusations, but to encourage more authentic discussion.
According to Tina Fey, it’s not always about manipulation. Often these phrases simply serve to avoid emotional stress. But by dint of repetition, they can betray much more than a simple moment of fatigue.
“Everything’s fine, I’m just tired“
When it becomes a reflex at every attempt at discussion, it acts like a wall. “Men are often conditioned to suppress their emotional needs“, explains the expert. Result: what could be an opening becomes a closure.
“You think too much“
This subtle reversal diverts attention from the real subject by pointing out the supposed “exaggeration” of the other. For Tina Fey, it may be “a way to make you doubt your instincts“. A form of misappropriation of which we must be aware.
“Why are you always so insecure?“
Behind this formula, there is often an attempt at destabilization. “Saying you’re always insecure is a way of shifting blame“, observes the expert. This can even amount to gaslighting.
“It’s not (that) serious“
Here, the partner seeks to minimize tensions, sometimes unconsciously. But this attitude can become a method of systematic avoidance, preventing any in-depth discussion.
“You’re just too sensitive“
This very widespread phrase disqualifies the emotions felt. It causes doubt about the legitimacy of what we experience. “It’s a way of distracting from the real problem and putting the focus on your reaction.“, insists Tina Fey.
“I don’t want to talk about it“
Of course, everyone has the right to their secret garden. But if this phrase keeps coming up, it may indicate that something is really bothering you. “It can be an escape tool“, believes the expert, so as not to have to face an uncomfortable truth.
“Let’s not fight“
Under the pretext of avoiding conflict, some people cut short any attempt at dialogue. This phrase, used as a barrier, then becomes a pretext to ignore feelings that are nevertheless legitimate. And prevents any lasting resolution.