He sends you messages at 11 p.m. but avoids any serious discussion? She wants to “see where this leads” but without ever really deciding? You don’t need a big speech to understand that your relationship is floating between two waters. This vagueness now has a name: situationship, this ultra-widespread concept among 20-35 year olds, well anchored in new ways of loving without committing. Neither completely single nor in a relationship, you may be in this type of hybrid relationship. Coming from Anglo-Saxon countries, situationship (contraction of situation and relationship) designates a sentimental bond without labels, often frustrating for one of the two partners. Here are the 10 signs that you’ve probably fallen for it, according to experts interviewed by
Women’s Health.
Nothing is changing in your relationship
You have been “together” for weeks, even months, but no milestone has been reached: no introduction to the family, no vacation planned, no discussion about the future. If everything remains frozen despite time, it is a strong signal.
Your exchanges are irregular and without rhythm
As relationship coach Christie Tcharkhoutian points out, “if your partner doesn’t ask you to go out three times a week at first, there’s little chance that that will change“. Random encounters, spaced messages… The couple dynamic is absent.
Joint projects? Always at the last minute
An impromptu evening, a spur-of-the-moment outing… but never a planned weekend or anticipated activity. If you don’t exist in the other person’s agenda, you don’t exist in their plans.
Discussions remain on the surface
No confidences, no shared projects, just banalities. “Without vulnerability there is no emotional closeness“, summarizes Abby Medcalf, relationship expert. If you never speak the truth, you don’t build anything.
He or she sees other people
If your partner maintains other relationships, emotional or sexual, without it being clear or agreed between you, you are clearly not in a relationship. “Discovering that the other person is engaged elsewhere is one of the typical signs of situationship“, according to therapist Saba Harouni Lurie.
There’s always an excuse for everything
No meeting because he is “overwhelmed”, no news because “his week was busy”… and no offer to catch up. For Christie Tcharkhoutian, “in a relationship, we take the time to take care of each other, regardless of the constraints“.
The future is never discussed
You don’t know where you’re going, or if there’s a “we” tomorrow. No plan, no direction, not even a desire to talk about it. For Abby Medcalf, this vagueness is revealing: “If you’ve never discussed the future, maybe it’s a situationship“.
You feel anxiety when thinking about the relationship
You doubt, you wait for a message that doesn’t come, you fear silence. This diffuse uneasiness is a powerful indicator. “It is ambiguity and uncertainty that causes this stress“, says Abby Medcalf.
He or she told you they don’t want a serious relationship
This is the only really clear point: your partner warned you that he didn’t want anything serious. The problem is having hoped for something else despite everything.
You are already bored
Everything goes in circles, nothing builds, the moments together lose intensity. For Christie Tcharkhoutian, “a relationship without structure and direction eventually withers“. And often, weariness precedes the end.