If this has ever happened to you, you know exactly what it is: that instant, almost magical connection that you form immediately with a new person, after a simple conversation. In a few seconds, an unexpected complicity is created with impressive fluidity. But how can we explain this phenomenon? Here are the answers from science… and psychologist Claire Petin.
A mysterious sensation, which can be explained scientifically
Why do we sometimes experience this very special feeling of being “in phase” with someone from the first minutes? Researchers and psychologists have looked into this phenomenon. And a study by researchers at Dartmouth College highlighted the concept of “neural synchronization.”
By observing the 42 participants, they were able to realize that people with close social relationships displayed similar brain activity. This activity was manifested in particular in areas dedicated to the processing of emotions, to selective attention but also in the inferior parietal lobe, which plays a crucial role in the perception of the mental states of others.
“These findings show that our brains literally tune to the same frequency as those of people we are close to.” specifies the study relayed by
Psychology Today.
And that’s not all. It also turns out that individuals from the same social background share similar neural patterns when they listen to stories or interpret the world around them. This is why certain conversations seem so fluid to us, when faced with the right person.
The key role of emotional reactivity
In addition to these data, psychologist Claire Petin provides additional insight.
“This chemistry can also be explained by the speed of responses in a conversation. When a person responds in less than 250 milliseconds, it sends a signal of connection perceived as natural and authentic, reinforcing the impression of being on the same wavelength with the other person.
she explains.
“These quick responses are often a sign of mutual emotional engagement, which accentuates that feeling of “instant connection”, an immediate and strong bond“. A reactivity which seems to escape the conscious and which promotes the link. “This responsiveness also creates a feeling of mutual understanding and emotional comfort, essential ingredients for a successful connection.” completes our expert.
Can we cause an “instant connection”?
If you have never felt this, you are surely wondering if it is possible to provoke this famous connection, this inexplicable feeling? Is it the result of chance, or can we increase the chances of meeting a person who matches us perfectly?
The answer is nuanced. According to Claire Petin, “although it is not always possible to force an “instant connection” – this famous “feeling”, certain factors can favor its emergence. Safe contexts, where everyone feels comfortable, can facilitate this bond“.
Compatible character traits, shared values, similar ways of communicating and mutual empathy therefore promote this impression of comfort, complicity and immediate trust. “That said, spontaneity remains an important element of this type of meeting.” she recalls.
If you want to increase your chances of feeling this connection, it is recommended to:
- Take an open posture and engaging body language;
- Maintain real attention to others, without distraction;
- To have a natural humor or conversational style.
Indeed, when you unconsciously adopt the same tone or rhythm as your interlocutor, the connection solidifies. You just have to try it the next time you meet someone.