Untraceable sweaters, forgotten water bottles, notebooks left at school… These situations exhaust many parents. However, these oversights are not necessarily a sign of a lack of effort or seriousness.
Child development specialists point out that forgetting is part of learning. The key is not to do everything for him, but to help him gradually develop his own strategies.
Why do children forget their things so often?
The same sentences come up often: “I can’t find my sweater” or “I forgot my hat.” For older children, the consequences may seem more serious, with misplaced phones or laptops.
These forgettings are largely linked to the development of prospective memory, that is to say the ability to remember to do something in the future. It is this memory that allows a child to retrieve his water bottle after recess or to remember to show a note from the teacher to his parents when returning home.
However, this skill is particularly complex. The child must first understand what is necessary in a given situation, then memorize an intention, before remembering it at the right time, without external reminder. This process, often summarized by the expression “remembering to remember”, mobilizes several cognitive mechanisms at the same time.
The brain is still under construction
These abilities are based on what psychologists call executive functions. They allow you to voluntarily control your attention, your memory and your behavior when faced with a task.
The problem ? These functions develop relatively late in childhood. The prefrontal cortex, the brain region that supports them, does not reach full maturity until early adulthood.
In other words, forgetting is common because it is a natural part of development. Even among adults, the majority of everyday memory errors concern prospective memory.
Executive function abilities also vary from child to child. Some people are naturally more distracted than their peers of the same age.
Why do some children have more difficulties?
Some children may encounter additional obstacles. This is particularly the case for those with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD).
Children with inattentive type ADHD are more likely to lose objects or become distracted in daily activities. This does not mean that they will not progress. Their prospective memory skills continue to develop, but often with more distractions than other children of the same age.
If the forgetfulness is particularly frequent and observed in several contexts — at home, at school or during sports activities — it may be useful to consult a general practitioner or a school psychologist to assess the situation.
Strategies that really help
Faced with repeated forgetfulness, there is a great temptation to prepare the schoolbag for the child or to constantly send them reminders. Yet this may deprive him of a vital learning opportunity.
Research cited in the data shows that routines promote the development of cognitive skills and self-regulation. The more a routine is repeated, the more automatic it becomes.
Another avenue is to encourage metacognition, that is to say the ability to think about one’s own mental functioning. Research suggests that children often tend to overestimate their memorization skills. Helping them identify their difficulties and find suitable solutions can therefore be very beneficial.
Parental example also plays an important role. Making their own lists, implementing reminder strategies or establishing a family routine of checking bags allows the child to learn by observation. The goal is to do with him, not for him.
What is best to avoid
Certain reactions, although common, risk worsening the situation.
First, we must not rely solely on the child’s spontaneous memory. As this stage is the most difficult in prospective memory, memory aids and lists can be valuable allies. A simple label on the bag reminding you to check the presence of the bottle can make a difference.
Then it is best to avoid punishment. A study conducted on children aged 3 to 5 showed that even food rewards were not enough to improve their memorization performance. Omissions must therefore be seen as learning opportunities rather than as mistakes.
Another important point: don’t wait until the last minute. Stress and anxiety increase the risk of forgetting, as children can quickly feel overwhelmed. Preparing things the day before and limiting the morning rush can significantly reduce these difficulties.
Finally, it is essential not to judge. Forgetfulness is often interpreted as a lack of seriousness or motivation. However, understanding how memory works reminds us that they constitute, in many cases, a normal stage of child development.