Beyond the simple annoying character trait, extreme stinginess – or greed – touches on clinical psychology. For the cheapskate, money is not a means of exchange or pleasure, but a shield against anxiety. This egocentric functioning actually hides deep narcissistic and emotional flaws.
“In psychology, greed is a defense mechanism linked to the individual’s experience, past and history. It is a strategy that is put in place to face extremely strong fears and anxieties, which are not always aware of by the person.” first explains psychologist Aline Nativel Id Hammou.
Behind the apothecary’s calculations lies a desperate attempt at control in the face of major existential anxiety: the fear of emptiness, of rejection, and sometimes even, the anxiety of death. Here are the 6 typical behaviors to unmask them for sure.
Count everything to the nearest cent (and watch other people’s plates)
The cheapskate has eyes everywhere, especially on what you consume. During a shared meal or a common expense, he calculates everything to the thousandth of a cent and makes sure not to give a euro too much.
“Counting everything to the nearest cent is completely consistent behavior with this profile.“, confirms the psychologist. “The miser is a prisoner of anxious anticipations pushed to the extreme. For him, donating a single euro potentially amounts to a catastrophic loss in the event of future need. It’s a permanent worst-case scenario.”
For these profiles, each expense is experienced as an amputation, a real psychological and emotional pain.
Systematically avoiding the moment of the addition
It’s the great classic: the timely trip to the toilet, the mysteriously forgotten wallet, or the complex calculations which strangely always turn to one’s advantage. The cheapskate deploys crazy energy to avoid paying his share or to push others to advance the costs.
According to Aline Nativel Id Hammou, “here we are at the heart of a dynamic of avoidance, control and flight. For these personalities, the central objective, the true Holy Grail, is to obtain free access. They even get a form of personal pride from it.”
Taking advantage of the generosity of others without ever reciprocating
The cheapskate loves to be invited, but the reciprocal never happens. You will never see him paying for his round, offering coffee or opening his door for dinner.
“Inviting someone requires availability, organization, but also a material investment“, deciphers the expert. “Moreover, entertaining at home or offering a place implies revealing oneself. By refusing to give, the miser maintains an illusion of total independence: he refuses to feel indebted and seeks to mask any form of vulnerability or attachment to the other.”
Offer cheap gifts (but expect big ones)
If it is impossible to escape a birthday or a party, the cheapskate will opt for the cheapest possible gift, even purely symbolic (an old salvaged object, a trinket), while eyeing what he will receive in return.
The psychologist specifies that they “systematically move towards the least expensive options“And it’s a very specific relational strategy.”Their primary goal is to save money. In a way, they exploit the generosity of others, not with the intention of harming or hurting, but out of pure financial egocentrism.”
An obsessive quest for free via negotiation
Whether it’s collecting useless samples, accumulating free items that they don’t need, or dryly negotiating the price of an item with a loved one or a merchant, the cheapskate seeks material “gain” at all costs.
“Systematic negotiation is part of this dynamic of challenge, mastery and control“, analyzes Aline Nativel Id Hammou. “Some people derive a reverse social valuation by positioning themselves against the consumer society. They take great pride in their rigid management and almost view ordinary consumers as gullible people.”
Constantly complaining about the price of things (even when you can afford it)
The cheapskate frequently poses as a victim of the economic system. Regardless of the reality of his bank account – he sometimes has ample means – everything is systematically “too expensive”. He is unable to anchor himself in the present moment.
“The miser experiences immense difficulty living in the here and now, because he constantly projects himself into the future.“, concludes the psychologist. “He lives in constant anxious anticipation. This obsessive need to plan everything, organize everything and control everything deprives him of present pleasure, and by extension, also deprives those around him.
In summary, stinginess goes beyond the simple framework of the wallet: it is a psychological rigidity, often linked to obsessive-compulsive personality traits.
“Whether it finds its source in a past of precariousness, a transgenerational trauma or a deficit of attachment in childhood (where money replaces love), avarice is an armor of solitude. concludes our expert. By wanting to protect themselves from emptiness and loss, the stingy person unfortunately ends up creating a void around them, depriving themselves of the most precious of flows: social bonds and altruism.