No, it’s not enough to be a woman in love to be sexually fulfilled. On the contrary, vague relationships, not established and without real definition – these famous “situationships” – could sometimes offer more satisfaction under the covers than certain well-established couples. This is one of the astonishing pieces of information from the new fluoroscopy of French sexuality published by JoyClub.
Please note, the study does not confirm that situationships are better than serious relationships (do not break up your household after reading this article!). But several indicators show an intriguing trend: when routine is less present, desire seems to resist better.
Sexual satisfaction that rivals that of couples
One might think that women in a relationship would access fulfillment more easily: the partners know each other by heart, know what pleases the other, etc. But the first observation of the survey is that women involved in a situationship do not seem less satisfied with their sex life than those living in a classic couple relationship.
In the study, 41% of women in situationship even say they are “very satisfied” with their current sexual relationships. A score close to that observed among women living in a cohabiting couple (44%). This rate even rises to 63% among those who are in a relationship… without living under the same roof.
In other words, the absence of official status does not seem to prevent sexual fulfillment.
Sexual boredom, the number one enemy of desire
One of the most interesting findings from the report concerns boredom during sex.
Today, one in two French people admit to having already been bored during sex. Among women, this phenomenon is particularly marked: 56% say they have already felt this weariness in bed.
However, women in situationship do not seem to be more affected than others.
For Paolo Furgiuele, sexologist, this observation is not surprising.
“Physiological excitement feeds on novelty and uncertainty. This is the very principle of transferred excitement: not knowing where this relationship is going can paradoxically intensify the desire for the present moment.”
According to him, situationship also protects against a common trap of long relationships: automatism.
“This lack of installation protects against the phenomenon of sexual automatism. Each intercourse remains an event rather than a habit.”
More initiative and more exploration
Another notable and technical element: women in situationship seem to adopt more easily certain practices associated with active and exploratory sexuality. In short, they are more creative.
Thus, 16% of them say they often practice Andromache – this position where the woman is on top – compared to only 9% of women in an exclusive relationship and 11% in an open relationship.
Same observation for doggy style, practiced frequently by 39% of women in a situation versus 32% of women in an exclusive relationship.
These figures obviously do not say which positions provide the most pleasure. They nevertheless suggest greater diversity in practices and perhaps more female initiative.
Mental load, the great enemy of female desire
Why do these vague relationships sometimes seem to preserve desire? For Paolo Furgiuele, the explanation goes far beyond the sole question of commitment.
“Sexuality is less polluted by the logistics of everyday life, the mental load and the tensions of the established couple. However, these factors particularly weigh on female desire.”
Shopping, children, family organization, domestic conflicts, accumulated fatigue: so many elements that can gradually find their way into the bedroom. Conversely, in a situationship, the time shared is often more focused on the meeting itself. The context then promotes attention to others and the more explicit expression of desires.
“Without the automatic reactions of ‘I already know what he or she likes’, partners often communicate more about their desires and remain more attentive to each other’s reactions.”
A lesson that also concerns happy couples
Should we conclude that situationships are the future of female pleasure? Not really. The real lesson of this investigation is perhaps elsewhere. What seems to fuel desire is not the absence of commitment, but the absence of routine.
As Paolo Furgiuele summarizes: “Excitement loves uncertainty, which is precisely what the established couple tends to eliminate.”
The good news? It is not necessary to give up a stable relationship to regain this dynamic. Introducing something new, cultivating curiosity, communicating more about your desires and getting out of automatisms can allow settled couples to rediscover some of that spark.
Because if desire needs security to flourish, it also seems to need, sometimes, a little unexpectedness to continue to vibrate.