When we love, we don’t count? Not so sure. If the first days of a couple are often content with love and fresh water, things change over the years. Especially when a common future looms. Real estate purchase, arrival of a child, loans, daily expenses… Very quickly, money questions enter the relationship. And although they are often considered a taboo subject, they are nevertheless among the main sources of marital tension.
A recent American study sheds interesting light on this subject: beyond the level of income, it is also the financial balance between the two partners which seems to play a role in the stability of the couple.
Similar income, a factor of stability?
In a study published in the journal DemographyPatrick Ishizuka, researcher at the Center for Demography at Cornell University, was interested in the link between economic situation and the strength of romantic relationships.
His work first confirms an idea already known to sociologists: couples who have achieved a certain financial stability are more likely to marry. According to the researcher, many wait until they have a stable job, a sufficient level of savings or even the ability to finance housing before taking the plunge.
Conversely, couples facing greater economic insecurity experience more separations, even when they place a high value on marriage.
But the study goes further. It shows that couples living together and receiving relatively equivalent income also have a higher probability of staying together over time.
For Patrick Ishizuka, “equality seems to promote stability“. It would therefore not only be the wealth of the household that matters, but the way in which resources are distributed between the two partners. When each contributes in a comparable way to the household budget, relationships appear more balanced and power conflicts less frequent.
Why does money play such a role in a relationship?
For Aline Nativel Id Hammou, psychologist specializing in couples, this conclusion is not surprising.
“Money is one of the most sensitive subjects in married life. Salaries, expenses, projects or even the way of managing the budget can quickly become sources of conflict when there are different visions.”
Because, contrary to popular belief, our relationship with money is not formed once we become adults. “Since childhood, everyone develops a very personal relationship with money based on their education, their family’s standard of living, the values transmitted by their parents and what they observed at home.”
For some, money represents security above all. For others, it symbolizes freedom, autonomy, power or even social recognition.
“This is also why we often unconsciously associate salary with the value of a person. In a relationship, this can become a real issue of self-esteem.”
Three main profiles when it comes to money
The psychologist distinguishes three main profiles which strongly influence the way in which everyone manages their finances.
- The first is the detached profile : Money does not occupy a central place in his life, it is mainly used to cover essential needs;
- The second is the
controlling profile : He seeks above all financial security, likes to save, anticipate expenses and can sometimes become very thrifty, even excessively cautious; - Finally, the third is the hedonistic profile : More focused on immediate pleasure, he takes advantage of his money more easily and thinks less spontaneously about saving.
“These profiles are not good or bad. On the other hand, when a big saver lives with someone who spends a lot, misunderstandings can quickly arise.”
When salary gaps create an imbalance
If everyone does not earn the same amount, difficulties can also arise around the distribution of expenses.
“Some couples operate on a strict 50-50 basis even though their incomes are very different. The one who earns less can then feel a profound injustice.”
But the consequences sometimes go beyond the simple financial aspect.
“When one partner earns much more than the other, a relationship of power, domination or infantilization can sometimes develop, often without even being aware of it.”
The one who brings in the most money may feel like they have more say, while the one who earns less may gradually lose confidence in their own contribution to the household.
Women even more exposed
For the psychologist, this question particularly affects women.
“In 2026, women still often earn less than men, in particular because they work more part-time or interrupt their careers for children.”
Result: they frequently finance current expenses – shopping, food, daily bills – without always being able to participate in the most socially valued purchases, such as real estate or a vehicle.
Added to this is what specialists call invisible work.
“A mother who finishes early to pick up the children or who takes sick child days does not receive additional remuneration. However, she sometimes saves the household several hundred, or even several thousand, euros in childcare costs.”
According to the psychologist, this contribution deserves to be fully recognized in the economic balance of the couple.
Money, a subject that should not be avoided
Over the years, credits, children or career changes further complicate financial balances.
Hidden expenses, fears linked to the future or even different life plans can gradually weaken the relationship if dialogue disappears.
“It’s a subject that needs to be talked about regularly, without accusing others. Naming your fears, explaining your way of seeing money and seeking compromises often helps prevent frustrations from accumulating.”
In consultation, Aline Nativel Id Hammou even advises couples to carry out real budgeting exercises together so that each person becomes aware of what the other brings, financially but also in all the domestic and parental work which does not appear on any pay slip.
A balance more than perfect equality
For the psychologist, the main lesson of the study is ultimately quite logical.
“I am not surprised that couples whose salaries are close separate less. This promotes a feeling of fairness, limits power relations and often allows for more peaceful management of daily life.”
But she points out that this is not an absolute rule.
“It’s not the exact amount of income that keeps a couple together. It’s the ability to build a balanced relationship, where everyone feels respected, recognized for their contribution and free to talk about money without it calling into question the love or value of the other.”
Basically, if feelings remain the basis of life together, the way of sharing financial responsibilities can also make all the difference in the long term.
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