Some people know how to stay calm during a heated meeting or set limits without aggression. And this strength of character is not a coincidence: it is often the fruit of a very particular journey. The work of psychologist Norman Garmezy, extended by that of Emmy Werner and a study from Harvard University, highlights the same observation: adults who exude natural authority have frequently experienced, during their childhood, a series of specific experiences, neither totally easy nor truly traumatic.
Among them are the fact of having grown up in an environment that was both structuring and caring, of having overcome moderate adversity, of having assumed responsibilities adapted to one’s age, of meeting a mentor, of going through a period of exclusion, of being encouraged to express one’s ideas, of moving between several cultures or neighborhoods, of occupying the role of elder or leader, or of benefiting from moments of free play, without constant supervision from adults. Together, these experiences convey an essential message: “You have value and you are able to overcome difficulties.”
Showing a “strong personality”, what does that mean?
For researchers, having a strong personality does not necessarily mean being authoritarian or dominating. Rather, it is the combination of strong self-esteem, the ability to say no when necessary and calmness in the face of conflict.
Various studies also show that so-called homes
“authoritative”in which parents set demanding rules while providing strong emotional support, further promote the development of assertiveness.
Researcher Norman Garmezy also observed that some of the children faced with poverty, neglect or family breakdowns still managed to develop well. For her part, Emmy Werner confirmed that these relatively resilient children considered themselves the actors of their own lives and saw obstacles as challenges to be overcome rather than as inevitabilities. For their part, scientists at Harvard University, who have followed its participants for more than 85 years, establish a link between household chores assigned from childhood and better professional results in adulthood.
The 9 childhood experiences linked to a strong personality
Research cited by the Healthy and Natural site shows that a stable and caring adult, outside the family circle, can sustainably strengthen a child’s self-esteem. Conversely, a period of exclusion or rejection by other children, just like moments of free play without the constant presence of adults, promotes learning social relationships, the ability to test limits and autonomous conflict resolution.
In families “dialogue oriented”the studies cited also establish a link between the freedom to express one’s opinions from childhood and stronger self-affirmation in adolescence. Regular household chores, the role of elder or group leader, as well as moving between different neighborhoods or cultures, develop a sense of responsibility, the ability to adapt and the comfort of making decisions in front of others.
Can you develop a strong personality later?
Not everyone with a strong personality has had these nine experiences, and none of them alone is enough to have charisma or strong self-confidence. Each route remains unique. The good news is that these qualities can also be developed in adulthood, for example by finding a mentor, learning to be more assertive, or choosing to gradually take on new responsibilities rather than endure them.