It is perhaps the strangest love advice of the year: to be happy as a couple, you would have to … lie a little to yourself. This is in any case the idea behind the trend “Be Delulu”, which explodes on Tiktok. Popularized by social networks, especially under the hashtag #Delullugirl (nearly 500 million views on Tiktok), this expression derived from “Délusional” designates a state of “spirit where we choose to believe in an ideal scenario, even if it has nothing concrete.
When illusion becomes an emotional engine
In fact, being “delulu” in a relationship is to hang on to weak or non -existent signs and to project their hopes. A silence becomes a sign of shyness, an absence of response proof of upset love. This mental posture is often involuntary, but it can become a conscious way of fueling a more positive relational dynamic.
For Emma Hathorn, expert dating for Seekingthis voluntary illusion can serve as a short -term lever. “”Being Delulu is also refusing to be afraid, to self -use, to say that it will not work“. She specifies that it is not a question of sinking into denial, but of choosing a more encouraging perception of the couple:”It pushes to adopt a form of strategic optimism“.
However, this optimism has its limits. According to her, it becomes problematic when it prevents recognizing negative signals or making limits. “”To want to believe that everything is fine, we prevent us from reacting when it goes wrong“.
A symptomatic generational phenomenon
Generation Z seems particularly receptive to this bitterness philosophy. In a world where relationships are built as much in line as in face-to-face, where the fear of rejection and the permanent comparison are omnipresent, “being delulu” appears as a form of emotional self-defense. It is a way of continuing to hope, without waiting for immediate external validation.
However, this assumed cognitive bias is not unanimous. Other experts alert the risks of unrealistic expectations and progressive disconnection with the reality of the couple. A study conducted in 2023 by the University of Boston notably evokes the psychological impact of a permanent overintertation of behavior, which can lead to frustration and emotional exhaustion.
This mental approach therefore becomes a crest line: it can encourage to persevere in a relationship, to see the best, but it can also hide deep imbalances. It all depends on the level of lucidity of the one who agrees.
Alert points to distinguish illusion and denial
According to the specialists interviewed, it is important to know how to identify certain signals so as not to switch to a spiral of disillusionment:
- You feel constantly waiting for a change or a sign of the other;
- You find repeated excuses for devaluing behaviors;
- You project an idealized future without concrete foundation;
- You have trouble talking about the reality of the relationship to your loved ones;
- You ignore your needs to preserve a perfect image of the couple.
Faced with this, Emma Hathorn recommends that he is allowed to dream, but not to deny himself: “You must not abandon your intuition in favor of a romantic fiction. It is possible to be optimistic without cutting yourself off from your feelings“.