Talking about criticism is immediately to convene a universal emotion: vulnerability. Whether harmless or gently formulated, criticism has this singular power to shake us. Even when we tell ourselves that it does not reach us. Even when you know that it is “only a remark”.
Because behind the words, often, a deaf injury. A small sentence, and it is self -esteem that chancelle. Why do we also react strongly? Perhaps because we have learned to confuse what we do with what we are. And because, fundamentally, we want to please. Be loved. Be validated.
“In a criticism, we think we hear: you are not up to par”
This is what psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, questioned on the subject, notes. For her, there is no “harmless” criticism, as our interpretation is often biased:
“”In a criticism, even very small, even harmless, we often think we hear a reproach or a: you are not up to par.“”
A frequent confusion that explains why we take the remarks if personally. However, a criticism is only a look among others. She never summarizes a person. Learning to put it at a distance is also to resume power on what we choose to let us achieve.
Let go of the idea of pleases everyone
The desire to be loved by all is a formidable trap. Because to want to be unanimous too much, we often end up moving away from ourselves. Amélie Boukhobza reminds us with clarity: “What we do, what we think, what we are: it will not appeal to everyone. And so much the better.“”
And it is precisely this dissonance that reveals our singularity. What displeases some can, conversely, touch or inspire others. A simple, but liberating truth, to get out of the need for permanent validation.
Come back to what makes sense to oneself
When criticism arises, only one question deserves our attention: did I remain faithful to my values? If the answer is yes, then that’s enough.
The psychologist encourages us to move our gaze from external reaction to inner intention. What matters is not so much how we are perceived, but why we act. What makes sense to oneself has a value that no opinion can be reduced.
Take a step back before answering
Our first impulse in the face of an unpleasant remark? React. Defend yourself. Justify yourself. But this hot reaction is rarely the most useful. As Amélie Boukhobza notes: “When a criticism touches a sensitive point, you may want to answer, justify yourself, defend yourself.“”
And yet, learn to delay, to breathe before reacting, changes everything. The emotional distance allows a more measured, more aligned, often wiser response.
Rethink what a criticism is really
What if criticism was not a personal attack? “”It is not always us that we judge, but an idea, an action, an angle “nuance the psychologist.
Adopting this perspective transforms reception: we can hear an opinion without letting it begin our identity. By dissociating the action of the person, we allow ourselves to evolve without feeling injured.
Sorting: between constructive criticism and toxic judgment
Not all criticisms are created equal. Some enlighten, others obscure. “”Some criticisms advance. Others hurt us for nothing“Observes Amélie Boukhobza.
Knowing how to distinguish the first of the seconds is essential. Keep what makes you grow. Let go what weighs. “”Without resentment. And above all, without guilt. “
Continue
Create, speak, defend an idea: each time, we are exposed. And the risk of displeasing is real. But the price of silence is much higher.
“”True freedom is that of doing even when we doubt“, Says Amélie Boukhobza. To say nothing, to do nothing, to avoid criticism is already to give up a share of oneself.”Better to do. Even imperfectly. At least we advance. “