This is perhaps the strangest love advice of the year: to be happy as a couple, you should… lie to yourself a little. In any case, this is the idea behind the “be delulu” trend, which is exploding on TikTok. Popularized by social networks, notably under the hashtag #delulugirl (nearly 500 million views on TikTok), this expression derived from “delusional” designates a state of mind where we choose to believe in an ideal scenario, even if it has nothing concrete.
When illusion becomes an emotional driving force
In fact, being “delulu” in a relationship amounts to clinging to weak or non-existent signs and projecting one’s hopes onto them. Silence becomes a sign of shyness, a lack of response a proof of thwarted love. This mental posture is often involuntary, but it can become a conscious way of fueling more positive relational dynamics.
For Emma Hathorn, dating expert for Seekingthis voluntary illusion can serve as short-term leverage. “Being delulu also means refusing to be afraid, to self-sabotage, to tell yourself that it won’t work“. She clarifies that it is not a question of sinking into denial, but of choosing a more encouraging perception of the couple: “It pushes us to adopt a form of strategic optimism“.
However, this optimism has its limits. According to her, it becomes problematic when it prevents us from recognizing negative signals or setting limits. “By wanting too much to believe that everything is going well, we prevent ourselves from reacting when things go badly“.
A symptomatic generational phenomenon
Generation Z seems particularly receptive to this bittersweet philosophy. In a world where relationships are built as much online as they are face-to-face, where the fear of rejection and constant comparison are omnipresent, “being delulu” appears to be a form of emotional self-defense. It’s a way of continuing to hope, without waiting for immediate external validation.
However, this assumed cognitive bias is not unanimous. Other experts warn of the risks of unrealistic expectations and progressive disconnection with the reality of the couple. A study carried out in 2023 by Boston University mentions in particular the psychological impact of a permanent overinterpretation of behaviors, which can lead to frustration and emotional exhaustion.
This mental approach therefore becomes a crest: it can encourage perseverance in a relationship, to see the best in it, but it can also hide deep imbalances. It all depends on the level of lucidity of the person doing it.
Warning points to distinguish illusion and denial
According to the specialists interviewed, it is important to know how to identify certain signals to avoid falling into a spiral of disillusionment:
- You feel constantly waiting for a change or a sign from the other;
- You repeatedly find excuses for demeaning behavior;
- You project an idealized future without concrete basis;
- You have difficulty talking about the reality of the relationship to those close to you;
- You ignore your needs to preserve a perfect image of the couple.
Faced with this, Emma Hathorn recommends allowing yourself to dream, but not to deny yourself: “You should not abandon your intuition in favor of romantic fiction. It is possible to be optimistic without cutting yourself off from your feelings“.