He (or she) now lets you manage everything, no longer makes any effort, and even seems to be bored in the couple without complaining … It is probably for better than “you” leave it. Epoque obliges, the practice, known for generations of romantic relationships now has its little name, “banksying”. This refers to the works of the artist Banksy, created on urban furniture and which gradually disappear until it is self-destructing. A poetic end for a couple? Not really.
An agony, but two possible reasons
In fact, the banksying is mainly to let die (or rot) its romantic relationship at low fire, hoping that the other will take responsibility for the rupture, leaving him the wrong role. Not very courageous, certainly, but not always aware. This is what psychologist Johanna Rozenblum explains to us, on this way of acting. “I think” there can be two situations where we are like that “, she says.
Simply cowardice
“Obviously, there is a part of immaturity and cowardice for some. she begins. “”When you are not able to that, to bring the other in the face of your reality, you play on time that will necrost the relationship well. “
The objective is indeed to wait until the other makes his decisions in his place. “In this case, this can be very toxic as a situation, even if the intention is not to make the other suffer, but rather to preserve oneself from the difficulties that one can encounter.”
Inertia in the face of a situation that we no longer master
However, in the office, our psychologist see another reason that can bring this behavior. “CThis form of inertia can also reach the heart of a complex situation, a change, which the person does not understand himself. The fact of letting a relationship die, it can also be the symptom of a lot of uncertainty, the fear of injuring, breaking a family if there is a family, having trouble projecting themselves into the future, being afraid of consequences … “
In short, it is not necessarily the symptom of pure toxicity, of someone who wants to make the other suffer. But an inertia caused precisely by the fact .. not to know what to do.
How to react to banksying?
The fact remains that, if there can be legitimate causes, damaging your relationship and leaving the other in doubt is nothing desirable. So how do you react, if you realize that your partner is no longer making any effort?
“I think that in this case, even if you are not yourself at the origin of this loss of momentum, even if you are not responsible, and you suffer, you have to be able to take the lead and protect yourself by engaging the discussion.”
An unpleasant moment, which we fear, but probably beneficial, when his cut seems to take the water. “”At one point, you have to think about yourself too. If we are able to take the lead, then it is better to clear things. Insofar as this can have consequences on mental health, you have to take matters into your own hands. ” No more banksying, let’s go to “saying”.