On Tinder, Hinge or Bumble, making contact often begins with a first message. A sometimes timid or clumsy attempt, as it should be. But so as not to seem banal, some have found the solution: entrust the task to artificial intelligence.
When AI takes the plunge for you
THE “catfishing”contraction of cat
(discussion) and fishing (fishing), consists of using an AI tool like ChatGPT or Gemini to write messages on dating applications. Without stress, certainly, but also without putting your guts into it. No more stress of conversation: the AI offers well-crafted, funny or profound sentences, without mistakes or clumsiness. A seducer who would have all the right answers. Practical, right?
But this digital ease hides a flaw, as Tam Kaur, relationship and personal development expert explains in Huffpost
“Using AI becomes a way to present a “perfect” form of yourself, without fear of rejection.”
Perfect exchanges… until the meeting
How long does the deception last? For Rachel, 36 years old, interviewed by The Guardianthe experiment was cut short.
“From the start, he asked very open questions, and it felt good” she remembers. “Our discussions were deep, sincere, I felt like I had found someone who understood me.” But at the first meeting, the disillusionment was total:“I felt like I was sitting across from someone I had never spoken to.”
The charm of the written word had worked, but it was a manufactured charm. As another user interviewed sums it up:
“Before, the worst thing was that the person didn’t look like their photos. Now it’s their personality that doesn’t match. People create entire personas.”
An observation that Tam Kaur shares: “Chatfishing gives rise to digital doubles that are more attractive than reality. Except that at the meeting, the facade collapses.”
A 2.0 deception that is growing
The expert reminds us: “This is a very real form of deception, because you are presenting yourself as someone who is not you.” In short, the catfishing is therefore similar to an emotional imposture, less visible than a false profile, but just as destabilizing.
However, many justify this practice:
“You’re competing with hundreds of other people for attention. If ChatGPT helps me stand out, why wouldn’t I use it?”explains a British user.
A reasoning that questions the pressure of “love performance” in the digital world: seducing becomes a game of optimization, where we entrust technology with the task of being funnier, more relevant, more charming.
“A sentimental imposture”, according to our psychologist
For clinical psychologist Johanna Rozenblum, this trend reveals a deeper problem than simple digital cheating.
“Chatfishing raises the question of sentimental imposture. Is the person really talking about themselves, or are they using AI to give the most appropriate, most expected response possible?”
According to her, this search for the “perfect message” reflects a fear of rejection and a lack of self-confidence. “Many young adults have grown up behind a screen, in a sociability filtered by the networks. They have not always learned to confront the reality of meeting people, with its awkwardness, its silences, its errors.”
When seduction turns…to manipulation
But for the psychologist, the risk does not stop at simple romantic disillusionment.
“This is a real red flag for cyberstalkers or cybercriminals”she warns. “These people can “phish” vulnerable individuals by providing them with the answers they expect, create an illusion of connection, and end up exercising a form of control or manipulation.”
THE catfishing then becomes a tool of emotional predation, where technology is used to build false trust before hijacking it.
How to recognize a “catfisher”?
Would you then prefer to miss out on the smooth talkers inspired by AI? Difficult, because the messages often seem impeccable. But certain clues can tip off:
- A style too perfect, too smooth, without mistakes or familiarities, and without any hesitation;
- Strangely mechanical punctuation or syntax;
- Linguistic inconsistencies (a French person using American English, for example);
- Or even a tone that seems “off the ground”, detached from real emotions.
And above all, Tam Kaur recalls: “Trust your intuition. If something seems too contrived to be true, it probably is.”
Johanna Rozenblum concludes: “Authenticity also means accepting not having the right answer, stammering, making mistakes. It is these fragilities that make the relationship human, precisely.” Let’s not forget it.