What if the secret to well-being lay in… letting it happen? This is the bet of Mel Robbins, world-famous personal development coach, who brought his “Let Them Theory” up to date through an apple green book that has gone viral. His message is simple: stop trying to please, stop waiting for validation from others, and focus on what you really control. For Mel Robbins, this change of outlook can transform the relationship we have with others – and with ourselves.
When the need for approval exhausts us
In his work, Mel Robbins tackles a universal reality: our dependence on the gaze of others. By seeking to be loved, understood, valued, we end up granting others immense power over our emotions. On social media, this quest for approval translates into hyperexposure and a constant need for recognition. As the coach sums it up: “If you’re struggling to change your life, achieve your goals, or be happier, know that the problem isn’t with you. The problem is the power you unconsciously cede to others over your life“. The “Let Them” theory is a direct response to this vicious circle: by ceasing to want to control what others think or do, we regain control of our own energy.
Let others be themselves, to find yourself
Behind this idea lies a concrete practice: accepting that others do what they want, even if it does not suit us. The goal is not to detach through indifference, but to set clear emotional boundaries. Mel Robbins assures that this method helps reduce relational exhaustion, restore inner peace and focus on one’s own choices. According to her, this approach applies to the majority of everyday situations: a distant friend, a critical colleague, a disappointing loved one… In 95% of cases, “letting others” leads to greater peace of mind.
A letting go that knows its limits
But this philosophy also has its gray areas. For psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, member of the expert committee, the concept is attractive because it frees us from a burden. “It is true that being able to free yourself from the gaze of others, and their opinions, feels good. We feel lighter: without any need to convince, to explain, to remember. We refocus on ourselves. And there is truth. Wanting to control everything – the image we project, the reactions of others, their decisions – we exhaust ourselves. We ruminate, we scatter“.
In other words, it is better to invest your energy where it can really produce an effect. “Might as well put it where it can really have an effect“However, this detachment must not turn into flight.”This is where the theory has its limits“, recognizes the psychologist. “Because in real life, we don’t live alone. Ignoring everything can become an escape. Conflict avoidance. Or a refusal to get involved“.
She reminds us that a balance is necessary: ”We can’t always act as if others have no impact on us. The issue, in my opinion, is not to never again take others into account. It’s about choosing when and why you do it“The key, according to her, would be to learn to leave enough to preserve yourself, without erasing yourself.”But not to the point of being erased, crushed or cut off from the link“.