“”You can breathe … but not without me“. Behind this pretty romantic sentence hides a more stifling reality than we imagine. In a couple, expressing your need for personal space or solitude can quickly turn into a mined ground. And yet, it is often the condition for the hard relationship and flourish.
Create a climate of trust before talking about distance
When one of the two partners expresses the need to step back, the other sometimes hears a red alert: “He no longer loves me“. This very human reflex can quickly lead to misunderstandings, even tensions. This is why it is fundamental to reassure before moving away.
No need to wait for a crisis to approach the subject. Talk about this need upstream, in a calm moment, recalling the importance of your attachment and what you share together. The need for space does not question love, it is sometimes even proof: “I need to meet to get back to you better“.
Place clear words on your needs without accusing
Very often, we wait for the other to guess. However, no one is a guess, even in love. Express your desires with honesty, but without reproach. The specialized site Verywellmind insists on the importance of transparent and benevolent communication: “It is crucial to strengthen everyone’s safety and to co-create clear expectations in terms of communication and contact during this separation period. You can be frank on your needs while recognizing your responsibility to always be there for the other“.
No need for great speeches, but simple sentences like: “I need moments to feel good in our relationship” Or “It’s not against you, it’s for me“. The important thing is to prevent the other to feel abandoned.
Reinvent the distance as an engine for the relationship
Taking a step back does not mean disappearing. It is sometimes in the distance that sexual desire, curiosity and the pleasure of ending up. This is an opportunity to breathe breathe with the relationship, to maintain the desire and even to inspire your partner or your partner.
Want a solo weekend? A yoga lesson or an evening with friends? Also offer your half to find an activity that stimulates it without you. It is not a leak, but an invitation to develop each on his side to better find himself. This allows you to defuse fears and install a healthier balance within the couple.
- Encourage the other to go out with his friends;
- Offer enriching personal activities;
- Plan moments for two chosen, not suffered;
- Stay connected without being stuck.
Finally, remind your partner that you do not flee the relationship. You enrich it. Less presence does not mean less love. It is sometimes even the opposite: to choose when to see yourself is to give more value to shared moments.