When an argument breaks out, she wants to talk about it straight away, he withdraws and locks himself into silence. In many couples, this scene repeats itself with every problem, whether it’s money, work or family. For many specialists, the key lies in the way each person communicates under stress, with a real difference in reflexes between men and women.
This idea is at the heart of the explanations of the Spanish psychiatrist Marian Rojas Estapé, who has become one of the most listened to media voices in her country. In an interview published on July 27, 2025 by the Spanish daily The Razonshe summarizes: “Women tend to seek dialogue to manage their concerns,” before adding that this need to speak often comes up against another reflex: “Man,” explains the psychiatrist, “has the habit of opting for silence and introspection.” In the background, psychologists describe a tension between communication focused on relationships and emotions, more common among women, and communication focused on the solution, more common among men.
When a problem arises: why one needs to talk and the other to walk away, according to Marian Rojas Estapé
For Marian Rojas Estapé, many women calm down by putting into words what they feel. Talking allows you to sort through emotions, seek support and check that the connection holds. Without this exchange, anxiety increases and the problem seems heavier.
The opposite reflex of many men is to withdraw and think alone, even if it means responding with very short sentences or nothing at all. This silence can be read as disinterest, while, according to the psychiatrist, “for women, support and active listening are fundamental”. This discrepancy opens the way to reproaches and arguments.
Where do these gender differences come from? The Hunter and Gatherer Metaphor
To explain these reflexes, Marian Rojas Estapé uses a prehistoric image: the woman gatherer, the man hunter. In his reading, women were responsible for gathering and monitoring the group, continuously exchanging information, while men focused on a single target to hit.
Today, many women maintain this reflex of observing everything and sharing the details of the problem, while many men remain focused on a single objective: how to solve it. French psychologists speak of emotion- and relationship-oriented communication for the former, solution-oriented and efficiency-oriented for the latter, which inevitably creates misunderstandings.
How to communicate better as a couple when one is silent and the other needs to talk
Understanding these logics already changes the way we react. A woman can tell herself that her partner’s withdrawal sometimes serves to digest stress, without giving up asking for a moment to talk later. The man benefits from clearly announcing that he needs time, while reassuring him about his desire to listen afterwards.
However, these trends remain generalities: some men will need to talk straight away, some women will need to isolate themselves. When silence or arguments become constant, it can be helpful to seek counseling to transform these differences into resources rather than injuries.