Our smartphones allow it today: we geolocate everywhere, all the time, whether with friends on the networks, to find a service, or to keep an eye on your teenager … It was therefore only a matter of time before you also share its location in real time with your partner. A tool that some couples consider practical and well integrated on a daily basis.
A button that simplifies life … apparently
“Where did you?”, “Have you left work?” … These messages that we send in a loop thus find an instant response thanks to geolocation. With a look, we know if his partner is at work, stuck in traffic jams or on the way for dinner. Save time, and a source of serenity for many, without having to harass your spouse.
For Nicole Saunders, therapist specializing in anxiety, this sharing can be completely registered in a healthy routine:
“”Unless you are firmly opposed, it is a practical way for couples to coordinate their daily lives. This avoids frustrations related to waiting or uncertainty“, she delivers in the HuffPost US. Clearly: it would be a communication tool, no more no less. Really ?
Geolocation, a false friend?
But this little button can also reveal anything else. As a concern, a need for control, a flaw in confidence.
Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist and member of our expert committee, alert:
“”At the start, it seems practical. Almost banal. But very quickly, some couples realize that this “transparency ‘hides a less healthy intention: fear, jealousy, emotional dependence.“”
The central question, for her, is not so much the tool as the intention:
“”Do we share to lighten the mental load, or to monitor the other? Does one look while the other is followed?“”
Because according to her, when it becomes a reflex or permanent habit, geolocation can nourish mistrust instead of appeasing it.
“”Following the other does not reassure. It feeds paranoia. A balanced relationship is based on speech and confidence, not on a map.“”
A reminder therefore seems necessary to him at this time when we locate ourselves for nothing:
“”In a balanced couple, geolocation should never, never, never replace confidence. It can help out, punctually. Why not. But if it becomes a permanent reflex to verify, it is really the sign of an imbalance: lack of confidence, fear of abandonment, need to master everything … things that deserve to be worked. And above all: not like that!“”
A choice to be made for two, and with lucidity
So, or not to share its location? For Kaitlin Kindman, another American couple therapist, it all depends on the functioning of the duo. The important thing is to ask the right questions:
- What is the level of confidence between us? ;
- What will this geolocation be used for, concretely? ;
- Are we really two to consent to it? ;
- Does it risk generating more anxieties than relief?
If the tool becomes a source of tension or unilateral surveillance, it is better to do without it.
“”We do not build a serene relationship with a riveted eye on the map. Or on the other, all the time! We build it by speaking. Listening. By trusting. Otherwise, nothing holds“Concludes Amélie Boukhobza.