Have you ever wondered if your partner is really right for you? If you are in love enough? If the absence of lack means that your relationship has no future? These questions, although banal at first glance, can become repetitive and invasive. They then generate extreme anxiety, transforming your life as a couple into a real hell. If you recognize yourself in this situation, you could suffer from “couples OCD”
Couple’s OCD, or “Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder” (ROCD) in English, is a specific obsessive-compulsive disorder. Unlike simple doubts normal in a relationship, couple OCD manifests itself through intrusive and obsessive thoughts, causing deep anxiety and unhappiness. These thoughts persist and require considerable effort to get rid of them, thus disrupting the daily lives of those who suffer from them. But how can you tell the difference between simple doubts and OCD?
More than just doubts
Claire Petin, clinical psychologist and couples therapist, contacted by Psychologies explains: “We can all be hit by intrusive thoughts, have feelings that fluctuate when we are in a relationship, this is nothing abnormal“But for couples with OCD, these intrusive thoughts reach another level.”They occupy the forefront of our psychological scene and are experienced as unbearable, causing very strong anxiety and thus triggering the compulsion mechanism in an attempt to ‘neutralize’ these obsessions.“, she adds.
People with couple’s OCD may spend a lot of time ruminating, which anchors the disorder within them and makes it chronic. They often seek reassurance from their spouse or by consulting online forums and articles, but without success. This incessant quest for instant answers can be compared to an addiction, gradually distancing the person from their real feelings.
Rodolphe Hurlot, psychopractitioner, underlines in Femme Actuelle that women are particularly affected by this OCD. This disorder can be genetic, linked to trauma, a strict upbringing, a complicated school career, or a lack of self-esteem. People who are intolerant of doubt or those who idealize the couple are also more likely to develop this disorder.
What solutions?
If one spouse suffers from couple OCD, it can mentally exhaust both partners and lead to a breakup. Concretely, the partner will constantly seek to reassure the other. He will respond to her concerns, which creates a vicious cycle. In addition, this obsessive mechanism impacts confidence and self-esteem, given that we often question ourselves. This OCD can lead to depression, hypervigilance, but also panic attacks, etc. in the long term.
To treat couple OCD, it is crucial to consult a specialist. Claire Petin recommends to people suffering from the disorder a psychologist trained in cognitive and behavioral therapy (CBT). About six months of therapy, combining CBT and acceptance and commitment therapy, would help remedy this. This therapeutic approach helps the person understand their obsessions and learn to manage them, thus reducing the impact of OCD on their love life. In certain cases, it is also possible to start drug treatment alongside therapy.
However, remission can be a long process, hence the need to be patient with yourself. “Patience and perseverance are required“, warns Claire Petin. She adds: “Especially since certain symptoms which seemed to have disappeared can temporarily resurface“. You can also share this with your loved ones, in order to have support in this process.