When we argue, we tend to outbid, in front of the other, endless. And sometimes words go beyond thought and end up hurting … To avoid this, there is a simple technique, resulting from combat sports, to bring down the pressure.
The tap-out, a salutary dead time, to be applied before the words hurt
Proposed by the psychotherapist will go Israel, in an article for Psychology TodayTAP-Out is a this technique consists in pause an argument before it went too far.
In combat sports, this method makes it possible to signify its limits to the other. In love, it amounts to braking the argument, without abandoning dialogue, to come back to it more calmly, later.
Put yourself on pause to better reconstruct the dialogue
Tap-out is not a leak. It simply allows everyone to refocus, breathe and regain control of their emotions. And often, a simple sentence can defuse a start of conflict. “”When the tension rises, the worst error is to add a layer“Confirms Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist. Conversely, certain well -chosen words can immediately appease the atmosphere.
In a previous article, she proposed several sentences to defuse the conflict. For example :
- “Do you want to talk about it? Or do you prefer that we do something else to breathe?“. This question offers an output door without pressure.”Giving the choice avoids the immediate confrontation effect“Underlines the specialist.
- Other option: “Let’s go for a walk to get some fresh air and calm things down“. The physical movement, the outside, create a airlock.”Allowing him to get some fresh air and refocus can avoid sterile argument“, she observes.
A simple gesture to prevent the argument from slipping
Sometimes, the most effective is to change your decor, or even an activity. An improvised meal, a distraction, a break in the argument. “”Do we order something to eat and do we talk about it afterwards? ” is also an option to consider.
The goal is not to avoid anger, but to channel it.
“”The idea is not to stifle anger, but to give it a space that avoids climbing“, She insists.
Nor is it a question of putting the necessary discussions again, but of choosing a moment when listening is possible. “”A little distance, well -placed listening, love and presence, and often, the tone descends on its own“Concludes the psychologist.