Do you feel like you’re pulling out the tissues for nothing, in front of a movie, a comment at work or even a little annoyance, while everyone around you stays calm? When people tell you that you are too sensitive or that you “cry for nothing”, the question ends up asking itself: why do you cry so much? There are real differences between individuals: as psychologist Sebastian Ocklenburg reminds us, “on average, women cry 2-5 times per month, while men cry 0-1 times per month“. Crying can have several explanations.
The personality and history of the individual
Researchers also emphasize the role of the person’s character and experience. “Personality is linked to crying“, says psychologist Sebastian Ocklenburg, who observes that certain empathic profiles have much easier tears than others. Education weighs heavily, as psychotherapist Babita Spinelli recalls: “What the family has shown us in terms of behavior affects our propensity to cry. If crying has been presented to us as shameful or unnecessary, we will be encouraged to hold back our tears and not express our emotions through crying.“. Hearing as a child that “a man should not cry” or, on the contrary, seeing adults cry freely then changes the way we allow ourselves to let our tears flow.
A general overflow
If you haven’t always been the type to cry easily but for some time now you’ve been saying to yourself “I cry all the time”, your body may be sending you a message. Lack of sleep, chronic stress or mental overload reduce our capacity to cope: the slightest unexpected event is the final straw. Studies show that about half of people feel better after crying, confirming that, for many, sobbing serves as a release.
Hormones play tricks
In women, hormonal variations in the cycle can amplify emotions and make tears more frequent at certain times of the month. Psychiatrist Daniel Amen observes that “greater activity in the emotional centers of the brain is also associated with a higher risk of depression and anxiety“, which could explain why women are more exposed to these disorders and why some feel on edge.
When tears become an impulse
For others, tears come without warning, on the subway or in front of the computer, with the feeling of crying for no reason. In these cases, Babita Spinelli recalls that “This may represent unprocessed emotions that we have felt but have dissociated from or pushed aside“Bereavements, separations, traumatic experiences or simply years of bearing it all can end up manifesting in frequent crying, as if the body is finally releasing the pressure.
Your attachment style has nothing to do with it
Emotional ties also come into play. Sebastian Ocklenburg notes, for example, that “people with an avoidant attachment style cry less than those with an anxious attachment style“, which means that the more we seek closeness and comfort, the more likely we are to express our pain through tears.
A bigger problem
When sobbing becomes daily, uncontrollable, or is accompanied by a loss of momentum, intense anxiety or dark thoughts, Babita Spinelli believes that “it may be necessary to assess whether there is depression or an unregulated condition that needs to be managed“. In this case, talking to a doctor or a mental health professional allows you to check if depression or an anxiety disorder is hidden behind this feeling of I cry easily and to find suitable support.
Crying linked to hypersensitivity
In approximately 15 to 20% of the population, the nervous system reacts more strongly to what is happening around it, especially on an emotional level. Psychologist Margaret Paul sums up this hypersensitivity like this: “It is a nervous system that is more responsive to stimulation, a nervous system that can feel things more deeply“, quoted by
mindbodygreen. When we recognize ourselves in this very empathetic profile, we can cry when faced with good news as well as when faced with someone else’s distress.