Yet you had sworn: “this year, I’m taking my time”. And then there was a look, a drink too many (or not), a conversation that got out of hand… and here you are in the early morning, rumpled sheets and an embarrassed smile, alongside Marius. Immediate verdict in your head: a stroke of madness or complete emotional sabotage? Because if there is one question that continues to agitate dinners with friends (and the aftermath of evenings), it is this: sleeping on the first night, is it really a mistake?
Between fantasies of sexual freedom and old reflexes of guilt, the subject remains explosive — especially for women. To disentangle fact from fiction and overcome preconceived ideas, Pascal Anger, clinical psychologist, spends this famous night under the magnifying glass. Irrecoverable misstep or just a chapter in a story to write? Spoiler: the answer might surprise you.
Going to bed on the first night: a fatal misstep?
The question has always been debated: is it (or not) wise to take action from the first meeting?
Indeed, if for some, letting go from the first evening can be a natural way to satisfy one’s desires and taste the pleasures of the flesh (or even to know if the bodies are compatible), for others, taking action immediately would constitute a fatal misstep. The latter would indeed risk damaging the emerging story, because “rapid” physical intimacy would not always allow the construction of a solid emotional bond.
But in reality, does giving in to this desire for one evening necessarily compromise the relationship? Not necessarily, believes Pascal Anger.
“If you are comfortable with the idea, there is absolutely nothing serious. The main thing is that there is respect on both sides, that everyone protects themselves and listens to themselves. Sometimes, during an evening, a person may feel the desire to act out and decide to live it out. And this does not bode well for the future of the relationship!“, admits the psychologist.
Indeed, only time will allow us to know.whether we are compatible or not.”
Guilt that is still real… for women
If sleeping on the first night is neither “good” nor “bad” – but should only depend on each person’s desires – this act still arouses guilt, especially among women. The fault, unsurprisingly, is social norms and persistent stereotypes.
“Men and women are not always equal: men are often more direct and more spontaneous from the first evening, while women tend to be more nuanced, more reserved (what will people think of me? What image will I project?)“, recognizes Pascal Anger.
However, a woman has the right to have her sexual appetite, her way of functioning. “Mentalities must continue to evolve in this direction. Man must no longer be the only one to benefit from a positive image, by being perceived as an outstanding seducer, a modern-day Don Juan.
insists the practitioner.
The key finally to bed? Listen to your desires… and your feelings
If social networks and dating applications encourage us to give in to temptation, and we should no longer feel guilty about this new option, Pascal Anger nevertheless recommends taking stock of our feelings.
“If we don’t feel well, if we are uncomfortable or disgusted at the idea of taking action, of course, we should not do it. Alcohol can also promote or distort our desire: so make sure to be fully aware of your actions and desires at this key moment.” advises the specialist.
In conclusion, whether it’s a “one night or a lifetime” encounter, having sex on the first night should never be a real question.
“Making love also allows you to know others better… and can help create a relationship. There are no rules. The important thing is to listen to each other, respect others and remain faithful to your values”, concludes the psychologist.