Some people hate emotional emptiness. Barely the end of a relationship, they throw themselves into a new story, at the risk of not having turned the page. These fast connections, often described as “dressing relationships”, are mainly used to forget the ex. But how to make sure that a new meeting is not just a cache?
Understand what a dressing relationship
As the name suggests, the dressing relationship acts as a cache on an open wound. It is not based on a real desire to build but on the need to appease immediate pain. The problem is that based on an emotional flight, these stories run out of steam quickly and often leave more scars.
Psychologist Randi Gunther, who looked into the subject for Psychology Todayrecalls that a lasting relationship cannot start on non -healed injuries. “”Counting that a new partner can save and heal the past in which he has not participated imposes an unbearable burden on them, the healing of a past failure is the sole responsibility of the person who suffered it, and preferably before they seek a new relationship“, Specifies the psychologist.
Mourning its old story, an essential step
To avoid this trap, the psychologist recommends taking the time to take stock of her romantic failures. Identifying the schemes that led to the breakup makes it possible not to repeat them. She also insists on the importance of surrounding herself with benevolent relatives or, if necessary, to be accompanied by a professional in order to cross this difficult moment without haste.
The advice of a psychologist to avoid falling back into the trap
Once this mourning is accomplished, it becomes possible to open the door to a new meeting. To avoid reproducing the same mistakes, Randi Gunther offers three simple but essential tips:
- Present your situation to your new partner, without shame or guilt;
- Be honest on your goals, explaining what you really want and what you don’t want;
- Clarify what can be offered and listen to the needs of the other, even if it means recognizing if the expectations do not correspond.
These stages, sometimes uncomfortable, are, according to the expert, the best way to prevent a story from born only as a dressing, and on the contrary, to give it every chance of lasting.