The clock strikes midnight also marks the long-awaited moment of opening presents. For young and old alike, the rush under the tree is going well. Unwrapping the object of all your expectations should make you happy, and light up sparks in your eyes… In short, give yourself a real pleasure. This is not always the case! Not really inspired or living up to your expectations, the present does not always hit the mark. Worse, you may even feel cheated, and disappointed. reality, “it is indeed our capacity to receive, beyond the object itself, which is at stake” explains Sarah Serievic1psychotherapist, trained in psychodrama. A gift says a lot about the nature of our bonds with others, just like our love of ourselves!
Disappointment awaits!
Festive papers and fairytale labels, it’s all there! However, even before opening it, you find yourself experiencing many inner thoughts. “It’s too big, how am I going to bring it back” Louise is already ruminating. “It’s sure, it’s still a wool scarf” laments Philippe. The mentalization which precedes the opening, just like the procession of negative thoughts which pass by, says a lot about a difficulty in receiving, which requires making oneself available… to the unknown. Whereas most of the time, we are listing everything we expect, and which is surely not nestled there under this pretty “Fnac” paper while you are dreaming of a “Dior” clutch.
“Welcoming is the key word“, insists Sarah Serievic. Let go of control, and open yourself to the pleasure of being surprised. The Vanessa Paradis DVD offered by your Jules perhaps tells more about your story than a makeup palette!
Let go of devaluation
As soon as you unwrap your gift, you can’t stop thinking “that’s it!” flanked by a faint smile on your face. It’s not so much that you don’t like him, it’s perhaps worse, you may have the feeling that you are ultimately “worth little”. For psychotherapist Sarah Serievic, “more than the object itself, a gift reminds us of the love we have for ourselves“. When we love ourselves little, the impression of not having value in the eyes of others dominates.
However, our perceptions are sometimes erroneous, and this uneasiness is probably not new. “In childhood, when we did not receive what we thought we should receive, the feeling of not being “worth” more persists” analyzes art therapist Lydia Rozenberg2. As an adult, we can remain stuck in a request for reparation that our spouse, nor anyone else, will be able to fulfill. Let go of the past, and instead jump headlong into the present moment.
The “poison” gift!
During Christmas, the truce does not always take place, and certain quarrels are expressed through the gift that we offer. So the gift can be very meaningful. “Last Christmas, my sister gave me a comic book”how to find your jules and keep him“, even though I’m single” confides Angélique. “Receiving deprives us of a freedom, that of saying I don’t like it… We then find ourselves obliged to take it” explains Lydia Rozenberg. Reselling it on E.bay or Le Bon Coin can temporarily relieve you.
However, when the gift is not received well, it is preferable to say something once the celebration is over. “Take some time to share with the other person how their gift had the effect of a slap in the face” adds Sarah Sérievic. Then nothing stops you from offering it to someone who will really enjoy it.
The popularity of gift certificates
Apparently, the popularity of gift vouchers can avoid a lot of inconvenience. However, what may seem practical at first does not always fulfill its role. Getting emotional when opening a gift certificate remains difficult since this type of gift hides laziness, or a lack of emotional investment, which is justified by lack of time. In reality, it above all reveals our relational difficulty. “Meeting the other in their desire, and seeking to satisfy them is necessarily confronting, just like delving into their pleasure in offering” explains Sarah Serievic. When none of these ingredients appear on the menu, we just avoid the risk of displeasing, but is that the main thing?