The end of a relationship, especially when imposed, is never a very pleasant experience. But the way of doing things can have a significant impact on the healing time. This is the kind of breakup that hurts the most.
A new experimental study on ghosting and rejection
A new study recently published in Computers in Human Behavior, So sought to know if ghosting was more or less harmful than the rejection sometimes steep (“I don’t want to see you anymore!“). For the first time, the” Research team did not rely on memories of Ghosting, but created an experimental situation in which volunteers were either ghostea or rejected by their interlocutor. In total, 46 volunteers discussed 15 minutes a day with another person, supposedly another participant (when it was actually a researchers’ assistant). On the fourth day, three events could occur:
- In the condition ghosting the assistant simply stopped sending SMS to volunteers;
- In the condition rejection the assistant told the volunteers that he did not wish to continue the conversation, then stopped sending SMS;
- In the condition witness the assistant simply continued to send SMS.
The experience was also carried out over 9 days.
Rejection or ghosting, what is the worst?
What have scientists discovered? That ghosting and rejection have had similar and negative effects in volunteers. But not always in the same duration.
- The relational satisfaction of volunteers has necessarily decreased in the two groups, while the feelings of rejection and exclusion have increased;
- The feeling of guilt was stronger in the rejection group than in the Ghosting group;
- On the other hand, the feeling of confusion, present in the two groups, disappeared shortly after rejection, while it remained high after ghosting;
- In addition, volunteers felt an increased feeling of disconnection with others and felt invisible much longer after ghosting than rejection. The volunteers felt less sociable and competent as well.
Not knowing is always worse than reality (as hard as it is)
While ghosting, a slightly loose method of disappearance, could appear a little softer than a brutal “Go out of my life“, it turns out that it is more problematic. And that it may impact much longer.
“Let’s be honest, the rejection is difficult to take. But ghosting is a sudden disappearance, without a word, without explanation. And this silence leaves a much more difficult vacuum to fill. Because it does not end anything does any final point, no justification, not even a bad pretext. Just … nothing” Develops Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist consulted.
In this nothing, the brain gets carried away. “”We are looking for what we did, what we said. We replay the scene over and over again. We ruminate. And very often, we blame ourselves. It’s the easiest to do “
So where the rejection poses a clear limit, ghosting opens the door to all the interior drifts. “”He can rekindle old wounds, those of childhood, those of abandonment. He reactivates an archaic fear: that of disappearing from the gaze of the other. As if we had never counted. ” Less violent at the moment, it prevents turning the page. A real poison for the mind, according to our psychologist.
Rejection vs ghosting? Clearly, it is better a non -frank than a rodent silence!