“”What did you do at school today?“. Faced with this endless question of the day that has remained unanswered, many parents are worried. And if, behind the walls of the playground, your child was not fulfilled? Or worse, if he was too embarrassed by a situation to tell you about it? In reality, this frequent silence is explained … and should in no way torment you.
Children do not have the same decline as adults
What he learned today at school, what he ate this afternoon at the canteen, with what little comrades he played the recess … Since the start of the school year, all these details of your child’s life escape you. Result: you are terribly frustrated, even troubled. Except that in reality, this silence is quite natural: the brain of your toddler is simply not able to restore the flow of information accumulated during its day.
“The child is not yet mature enough in his emotional development to find the right words. There is a lack of vocabulary, of finesse in the dictionary of emotion and understanding of his day“, confirms Clémence ProMSY, psychologist. He is therefore”absolutely not capable (…) to take off from what is happening to him and to draw conclusions“.
It is indeed necessary to be aware of dozens (if not hundreds!) Of experiences lived by the child during a simple day of school.
“Each activity, each interaction, brings them many stimulation and emotions. All this information that happens to them must be digested and quickly sorted to approach the following”, specify the experts of the Allo Ortho site.
Time, an important element
Another factor that you must also have in mind: the concept of time. Children are indeed very anchored in the present moment. Result: if you question it on his start of the day, he has probably already moved on and will therefore not be able to return this information to you.
“Children live very small events as much as they are and move on, they are in here and now. This intensity of the present is characteristic of childhood”, Still underlines the site dedicated to the prevention of language disorders.
Not enough to worry if your child is not a pipelette. Nevertheless, if you really want to know what your child experiences on a daily basis, Clémence ProMSY recommends you to apply these few tips.
These 4 methods can help your child confide in
Develop a ritual
“”We educate by example, so if we want children to learn to put words on what happens to them, you have to do it yourself in front of them“. Thus, for a child aged 4 to 7, the evening meal at the table can be the right time:”We can ask that all family members tell their day, say what their favorite moment was, their most difficult moment, the one they liked the least … It can also work with an older child“, Specifies the practitioner.
Use the metaphor for “who is it?”
“”We will eliminate the bad answers by offering the child two images each time we are going to ask him a question. For example, ‘I feel that you are not going well right now; Is it more at school or at home that there is something difficult to live? If it is rather at school, is it more with the mistress or in recess? ‘“, Underlines the expert.
Do not ask too closed questions
“”With questions where you can only answer by “yes” or “no”, as for example “such a hit?”, Can you tend to project your own anxieties on the child or to lock it in the problem of the month or last year which has already been settled. It is therefore important to stay open“, advises the psychologist.
Set up an imitation game
“”Like a psychologist, you will launch a neutral situation. For example, a big argument between all children because they want the same ball, to recess in the school of a little girl or a little boy, and not the school of Marie or Kévin. Then you don’t say anything anymore and you can do“, Recommends Clémence ProMPSY.
That said, keep in mind that he “is very natural for the child to speak only when it does not goassures the psychologist. “”If he does not tell anything and has no associated symptoms, he simply has the right to his intimacy“, she recalls.