The scene is familiar: an unexpected event shakes up your schedule, tension rises, and the feeling of calm immediately disappears. For many, inner peace seems to only exist when everything goes smoothly. The Spanish psychologist Icíar Navarro, widely followed on TikTok, shakes up this idea by reminding us that
“If you need everything to go exactly as planned to feel peace, that’s not peace, that’s control.”
In this video, @bibepsicologia, aka Icíar Navarro, a Spanish psychologist, explains that “Our peace cannot depend on everything coming out perfect, because life doesn’t always follow a script.”. She links this need to plan everything to perfectionism, self-demandingness and anticipatory anxiety.
Why Icíar Navarro opposes inner peace and control
For Icíar Navarro, many people call “peace” a fragile state which depends on a schedule respected to the minute. But life does not obey this type of script: unforeseen events at work, illnesses, separations, changes in plans are part of everyday life. Trying to lock down every detail creates frustration as soon as reality deviates, and feeds an ever more rigid need for control.
Conversely, it defines peace as a stable internal basis, compatible with problems.
In El Confidencial, the psychologist states that “Real peace does not mean the absence of problems, it is knowing that whatever happens, you will have the tools to deal with it”. This confidence is based on resilience and a certain emotional flexibility, not on the illusion of a world without chaos.
Perfectionism, unforeseen events: when control becomes false security
Perfectionist people often call themselves “just organized.” In reality, their brain anticipates all disaster scenarios and tries to neutralize them in advance. This reassures in the short term, but the slightest annoyance triggers anxiety, anger or self-criticism.
The more we believe that security comes from total control, the more the tolerance for the unexpected drops and the more the day can be turned upside down by a small detail.
Planning remains useful: a clear agenda lightens the mental load. The problem begins when planning becomes an emotional condition, such as “If everything goes as planned, then I’m fine“. Clinicians speak here of low tolerance for uncertainty. Instead of learning to navigate the vagueness, the person flees from all hazards, which reinforces anticipatory anxiety over time.
Building a more flexible inner peace with Icíar Navarro
The psychologist reminds us that true strength is built when something does not go as planned. Faced with the unexpected, the person discovers resources that they would never have activated in comfort. Taking a minute to breathe, name what is happening and choose a small, realistic action is sometimes enough to restore calm.
For Icíar Navarro, peace then becomes a skill: that of remaining grounded when life changes plans. Strengthening one’s psychological flexibility and confidence in one’s resources offers more lasting security than any perfectly kept agenda.