If we believe the clichés, love at first sight and butterflies in the belly would be the prerogative of women, reputed to be more romantic. Really ? A new study comes to contradict this state of affairs today.
Men fall in love a month earlier
According to a large study published recently in Biology of Sex Differencesmen would actually be more inclined than women to fall in love quickly. Led by Adam Bode, doctoral student at the Australian National University, this research is based on testimonies of more than 800 young adults from 33 countries. Result: on average, men say they fall in love a month earlier than their female counterparts. A figure that shakes up many misconceptions.
Even more surprising, 30 % of men interviewed say they fell in love before their relationship even really begins, against only 20 % of women. A precocity which, according to Adam Bode, could be explained by different social pressures: in many cultures, men are encouraged to initiate the emotional bond, to “declare yourself”has “Take the first step”. A standard that could promote a rapid expression of the feeling of love, even strengthening it psychologically.
When women love, it is often over time
For their part, still according to this same study, women take more time to fall in love … But feel the link in an intense and lasting way. The study shows that they think more of their partner and develop a deep emotional attachment, often more introspective. A love can be more thoughtful, but no less sincere, quite the contrary.
According to the researchers, this difference in temporality and intensity could be linked to biological factors, but also – and above all – to cultural patterns that are always well anchored. In short, what we are taught, from the earliest childhood.
“Two different rhythms, the same sincerity” for Amélie Boukhobza’s psychologist
For the clinical psychologist, Amélie Boukhobza this difference between the sexes must however be taken with tweezers. For her, avoid simplifications. If male brains are more sensitive to immediate visual stimuli, this does not explain everything.
“We continue to transmit to the girls that we must be wary, not to rush. Female romanticism, in this logic, is often built over time. In boys, on the contrary, falling in love very quickly is not perceived as a problem. It is even sometimes valued, the man must go for it.”
But beware of hasty conclusions, she warns: “It is not because we love quickly that we love badly. And it is not because we take our time that we love less hard.”
In other words, love is not measured at the speed at which it arises, but what it becomes. “In a relationship, it is not the one who leaves first who counts … This is what we build together.”
Love, also modulated by equality men/women
Another surprising education of the study: the stronger equality between the sexes is in a country, the less marked love intensity. A paradox? Not necessarily. This could reflect a more egalitarian, less fusional approach to the relationship, where emotion does not become such a central identity pillar.
In countries where men and women remain very differentiated, romantic love sometimes takes on the appearance of a great story, almost mythified – a way of filling other gaps, social or emotional. When gender equality is there, the need to make tons of them is also less present…. without denying the link.