She doesn’t talk about her private life often, and only with carefully chosen words. But on May 26, singer Angèle revealed a detail about her current relationship: she shares her daily life with a non-French-speaking person. A detail in the communication? Not really. Because understanding each other then becomes a real challenge.
“A daily challenge”
“Making a connection in English, especially in an intimate relationship, has been a challenge“, explains the one whose mother tongue is French. The singer mentions in particular the arguments, the moments when it becomes more difficult for her to express herself in a language to which she is not “emotionally attached”.
Because speaking another language as a couple is not just about translating words. It also means succeeding in transmitting your emotions, your nuances, your wounds or your humor in a language that is sometimes less instinctive.
But Angèle also says that this difficulty can become a strength. “It’s beautiful… we create our own language“, she confides.
Before adding, with optimism: “Most of the time, we speak the language of love.“
A common language is not essential for intimacy
For Aline Nativel Id Hammou, psychologist, not sharing the same mother tongue is not necessarily an obstacle in the relationship. “It all depends on the bond that is created, the emotional connection and the moment of life in which we meet the other.“, she explains.
According to the specialist, these couples often develop a very particular dynamic, based on adaptation and listening. Because when you sometimes have to look for your words, reformulate or translate your thoughts, communication becomes more conscious and more thoughtful.
“It requires more cognitive and emotional effort than a couple sharing the same mother tongue“, she emphasizes. But this constraint can also limit certain impulsive reactions.
Arguments sometimes less explosive
Paradoxically, not having a perfect command of the other person’s language can sometimes ease conflicts.
As Angèle explains, arguments can create a feeling of imbalance or frustration. However, for the psychologist, the time necessary to understand and formulate one’s thoughts sometimes acts as a form of emotional regulation.
“There is often less overinterpretation and less emotional outburst“, analyzes Aline Nativel Id Hammou.
The couple must then slow down, listen more and analyze what the other really feels before responding. A form of “obligatory active listening”, according to the specialist.
Result: communication often becomes more calm, more attentive and less reactive.
Body language takes up more space
When words fail, other forms of communication take over.
The look, tone of voice, gestures, touch and even physical proximity become essential in what psychologists call “emotional attunement”.
“These couples often develop much stronger nonverbal communication“, explains the psychologist. “The face, the look, the gestures and the humor become major tools for creating security and understanding.“
According to her, this increased attention to others can even create a very deep form of intimacy.
The opportunity to create your own language
This is precisely what Angèle describes when she talks about their “own language”. In bilingual couples, it is not uncommon to mix several languages, invent expressions or even create codes understandable only by both partners.
For Aline Nativel Id Hammou, this creativity often strengthens complicity.
“These couples sometimes develop a very unique connection“, she explains. “They learn to communicate differently, with more humor, patience and adaptation.”
The fact of wanting to learn the other’s language can also become a driving force in the relationship. Each person takes a step towards the cultural and emotional universe of their partner.
But a balance remains necessary
Everything is not always simple, however. The psychologist points out that this type of relationship can sometimes create imbalances, particularly if one partner constantly makes more effort than the other to communicate.
Misunderstandings can also appear, as well as a form of idealization of the relationship linked to the “unique” character of this connection.
“Efforts must remain reciprocal and visible“, she insists.
Because ultimately, language is not just for speaking. It also tells our story, our identity, our way of loving and feeling understood. And while bilingual couples sometimes require more patience, they can also develop a particularly strong form of intimacy.