The shows devoted to meetings between singles may multiply, but they never tire. Above all, it is the concepts that must be renewed to continue to surprise. After
Love is in the meadow, The Bachelor or even
Love is BlindTF1 has been offering a new version of the genre since August 25, broadcast on Tuesday evenings: My mother, your father.
Who dates who? The choice is up to the children
The principle? Eight single parents find themselves in a large house with the hope of meeting a new romantic partner. So far, nothing very original. Except that a few meters away, in another house, their children follow their adventures and take charge.
They observe the meetings, highlight the qualities or faults of the suitors, choose certain activities, the meeting places and comment on the connections. In short, children become real matchmakers, particularly concerned by the emotional life of their mother or father.
“But what is he doing? He’s too annoying!”
Enough to give rise to sometimes delicious scenes, when the adolescents discover their parent in a light that they ultimately know little about: “Rho, he’s too annoying!”, “But what is he doing?”, “It’s heavy!”… Reactions which inevitably amuse the viewer.
But behind the comedy lies a more serious question: can you really entrust your love life to your child? And above all, is a child in a better position than their parent to know which person would suit them?
Give an opinion, yes but not choose
For psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, the answer is clear: no.
“They can have an opinion, of course. But giving them the power to choose or validate a relationship is to give them a place that is not theirs”.
Love life belongs to adults. The child can say: “I like it“, “I don’t feel comfortable with him“, “Since you’ve been with her, you’ve changed“…And it’s a word that deserves to be heard. Which doesn’t mean entrusting him with the decision.
Because involving your child in your love choices is not trivial.
“That still seems very heavy for a child to carry. What would that mean? If the relationship works, he has somehow validated it. If it fails, he may also feel that he participated in the wrong choice.”
In other words, by giving the child the power to select or reject a suitor, we make him bear a responsibility that goes well beyond his role.
Do they really know their parent’s romantic needs?
Maybe, but not necessarily. “They know part of their parent very well, but not all of its dimensions. A child knows its mother as mother, its father as father. He does not necessarily know his parent as a man or woman engaged in a romantic relationship, that is to say his romantic needs, his desire, his intimacy or what he seeks in a relationship.” Which is very good.
The child’s outlook is also necessarily influenced by his or her own history. His judgment is necessarily taken in his own history and his own prism. “He can reject someone because they take up too much space for his taste, modify a balance or awaken a fear of losing a form of exclusivity. recalls the psychologist.
So a negative reaction is not necessarily a sign that the new partner is a bad person or a bad date. “A child can very well feel that a relationship is bothering him without being able to know if this relationship is bad for his parent. They’re two totally different things.”
When does the child’s opinion become essential?
For Amélie Boukhobza, the limit is ultimately quite simple: in life, the child can have a word, but he must not be responsible for the choice.
There is, however, one major exception: when the new relationship directly concerns their well-being or security. “If a child expresses discomfort regarding what he himself is experiencing with the new partner, for example fear, humiliation, aggressiveness, inappropriate behavior, feeling of insecurity, then, obviously, his words change status. We are in something which concerns him directly and which the parent must take seriously”.
The nuance is therefore important. Giving your feelings about your parent’s new partner can be legitimate.
Becoming the one who decides whether this relationship should continue is no longer.
A fun concept… but only for TV
In the context of a television show, role reversal can obviously be fun. Seeing your child comment on their dates, observing their reactions or trying to find them the ideal partner creates new and sometimes downright amusing situations. Worthy of a sitcom.
But in real life, it’s better to avoid confusing places.
“A child does not have to become the casting director of their parent’s love life“, summarizes the psychologist.
A formula which well sums up the paradox of My mother, your father : a reality TV concept that plays with family codes and can make you smile… but a place which, in real life, could be very heavy for a child to bear.