It’s on the sets of C to you that Nawell Madani confided, with tears in her eyes, about the long journey that led her to motherhood. The comedian and screenwriter had to wait nearly 17 long years before holding his little Lou in his arms. But how can we continue to hope after so many trials? Our expert psychologist answers you.
When the desire to have a child becomes stronger than anything
By presenting his new film Until the endinspired in part by his story, Nawell Madani looked back on these years of suffering, where everything revolved around the PMA. She says she went through a series of treatments, in vitro fertilizations and transfers (11 in total) to hope, finally, to become a mother. During this period, his daily life was punctuated by waiting, medical appointments and disappointments. But the screenwriter never lost hope…
“The desire to have a child does not function as a project that we abandon because it becomes difficult. It touches on the most intimate: identity, the couple, transmission, the place we imagine occupying in our own history…“, explains Amélie Boukhobza. “Sometimes it’s even more than that. It is a matter of psychological life and death. The desire for motherhood takes hold of your guts. It imposes itself in the body, in the thoughts, in the passing of time“, continues the expert.
In some women, this desire ends up taking up all the space. Each new attempt represents an additional possibility of seeing this project succeed.
To hope is not necessarily to deny
After several years of trying, many ask themselves: why continue? Why not give up?
However, continuing to hope for this baby does not necessarily mean denial. “And when this is the case, deep down, it is also sometimes the only way to remain psychologically alive in the face of a succession of failures.“, recognizes the specialist.
It is also this same hope that often makes it possible to support a new hormonal stimulation or a new transference.
“Hope has a bad reputation, it is confused with denial. However, without it, some people would simply no longer have the strength to face a new treatment, a new expectation or a new disappointment“, confirms the practitioner.
But that also doesn’t mean it’s always beneficial. “Of course, there are also situations where hope can become a prison, when it prevents any other possibility from existing. But it is never decreed from the outside. It’s not up to family, friends, or even strangers to decide when someone should give it up.“, specifies the specialist.
In the end, there is no “right” way to experience PMA.
In this type of journey, there is no good time to stop. Some people stop treatments after a few months, others continue them for years. And each of these decisions deserves to be respected. “There is no ‘normal’ length of time to continue hoping“, confirms Amélie Boukhobza.
Moreover, talking about relentlessness is often simplistic. “No one can really know from the outside“, continues the psychologist.
Before judging those who continue to hope despite failures, we should also measure what this desire for a child represents for them.
“And obviously, Nawell Madani was right not to give up…“, concludes Amélie Boukhobza.