Digital technology has changed the way we form relationships. It is common today to let yourself be seduced by a person you meet on an application or a social network.
But if the virtual allows sometimes more rapid exposure, it also favors a form of protective “bubble” which can, in the long term, become a golden prison. To avoid letting idealization take precedence over reality, here are the keys to deciphering your exchanges.
Availability: is your partner really present?
The first step is to evaluate the other person’s investment. A healthy relationship is based on fairness. Observe the way the exchanges are structured: is it always you who initiates the contact? Is the person actually available to you, or are their messages arriving irregularly? “Virtual availability must reflect what a partner could offer in real life.”underlines our expert, psychologist Aline Nativel Id Hammou. If gray areas, broken promises or unexplained silences accumulate, vigilance is required.
The 2 month mark: don’t let the fantasy take hold
This is the golden rule: to escape fantasy, confrontation with reality is an absolute necessity. The more the relationship stretches into the virtual, the more it becomes fertile ground for idealization and, sometimes, lies.
Aline Nativel Id Hammou is categorical: it is not recommended to exceed the two-month mark without a physical meeting. Beyond that, the risk of suffering from a “ghost” relationship or falling under the influence of an ideal that does not exist becomes too great.
Opening up to the world: can your relationship be public?
How does your partner include you in their life? A person who wants to build a lasting relationship will not hide from you. Ask yourself these questions: is your relationship accepted by those around you? Is the person ready to share their status or life moments with you for everyone to see? If secrecy is the rule, this may be a sign of a lack of intention to build a life together.
Couple dynamics: are the rituals present?
A couple is above all an investment, a passion and a commitment. Even from a distance, these pillars must be felt through rituals: a good morning message, special attention during a stressful day, planning joint projects.
If the relationship is solely focused on the game of seduction and the notion of “care for the other” is absent, you are perhaps not in a couple dynamic, but in a simple consumption of a virtual bond.
The transition to reality, an essential test
These four questions are essential guardrails to protect your emotional health. They allow you to put your feelings into perspective and identify possible warning signs. “Remember that the physical meeting is the ultimate step: it alone allows you to validate the harmony and compatibility that you felt behind your screens“concludes our expert. So don’t be afraid to provoke this encounter; if the other has sincere intentions, he or she should have no reason to avoid it.