It is also believed that the perfect hanging sentence can change everything. But in reality, some turns are for sure. And the worst of them continue to be used each summer, on a terrace, at a bar or by the beach. This pushes the psychologist Amélie Boukhobza to sound the alarm: between clumsiness and objective, these “disknights” rarely smile. Why doesn’t it go? And what can I say instead to hope to break the ice without plumming the atmosphere?
The sentences to flee according to the pros … and their targets
They are called “floppy disks”, these ready -made sentences that are launched in the hope of flying. But most of the time, they fall flat. The most cited include:
- “”I have always been told to follow my dreams so this evening I follow you“;
- “”Your name is Google? Because I find in you everything I am looking for“;
- “”Do you believe in love at first glance or should I go back a second time?“;
- “”Is your father an artist? Because you are a work of art“;
- “”That someone calls the police, it’s illegal to be so beautiful“;
- “”You are not like other girls“.
These formulas, often modeled on stereotypes or worn jokes, can even become disturbing or even threatening, especially in public space.
Why do these sentences (almost) always miss their target?
For Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, several reasons explain the almost systematic failure of these approaches.
The first is the heaviness and excess of familiarity. “”A sentence that is too direct or sexualized can make the interlocutor uncomfortable. It lacks subtlety and can give the impression that we are looking for an immediate gratuity without being interested in the other“. Typical example according to her:”Your father is a thief, he stole all the stars in the sky to put them in your eyes“.
Second point: the lack of authenticity. “”These phrases shots or borrowed from flirting textbooks (or from your big brother) clearly lack sincerity“, she underlines. The classic”Do you think in love at first sight or I have to go back?“is the perfect illustration.
Another problem: condescension and objective. Reducing the other to a simple object of desire, even with humor, does not pass. “”It is downright a lack of respect, even an offense that a woman is not going to take well“, Slice the shrink.
Finally, poorly calibrated humor can ruin a first impression. “”Humor is delicate. A bad joke or badly placed can make the approach unhappiness“, she explains, quoting:”If you were an apple, you would be a love apple“.
The rules for a hook sentence that really works
Should we completely banish attempts to approach in public? No, recalls the specialist: “Despite anti-harassment laws, approaching a young woman in a public place is not prohibited. That of breaking the ice by trying humor either“.
But then, how to make it go? The shrink lists some main principles to respect:
- Be simple and authentic: “When you do not try to impress with artifices, it generates a feeling of confidence“;
- Use respectful and light humor: “A good sense of humor can relax the atmosphere and make the encounter pleasant. No mockery or sarcasm on the other hand!“;
- Show a real interest: “To ask sincere questions and listen to the answers allows you to create a real connection. Being curious about the other is a good starting point“;
- Approach with respect: “It’s crucial. This means respecting the limits of the other and accepting a negative response with thanks. In short, when it’s no, it’s no“.
In summary? “”The secret is to show yourself in your best light while remaining yourself, and to enhance the other person in a sincere and attentive way“Concludes the psychologist. Burning the stars’ sentence in the eyes very deeply, is also a good start.