Sending ten messages before getting an answer, calling several times a day or multiplying invitations from the first appointment: behind these gestures that may seem flattering, hides a new love trend called Swamping. This term from English “to Swamp” (flooding, overwhelming) means assaulting your target of attention to the point of suffocating it. An approach that intrigues as much as it worries.
Swamping, when love becomes stuffy
Swamping is opposed to ghosting: where one is to disappear overnight, the other takes the form of an invasive presence. The site meetings of the site SeekingEmma Hathorn, sums it up clearly: “This excessive presence can give a feeling of suffocation and translate an emotional imbalance“. Behind this limitless availability, there are often signs of emotional dependence or a desire to precipitate intimacy. Result: instead of strengthening the link, this behavior may create a leak.
Being too available, responding to a quarter turn or bombing messages even before the other has time to react can give the impression of a constant validation need, an intense but disproportionate connection, or even a lack of space to give birth to desire. Quickly, the other can feel invaded, deprived of the freedom to manage his own pace and his emotions.
The origins of this new love trend
Seeking points out several factors behind swamping. First, hyper-connectivity: between instant messaging and meeting applications, everything pushes to respond quickly and often, erasing the notions of waiting and desire. The culture of instantaneity reinforces this reflex: in a world where access is immediate, patience is becoming scarce, including in sentimental relationships. Finally, generation Z, used to blurring the boundaries between friendship, flirting and intimacy, built its relationships more quickly, with a strong search for immediate gratuity.
How to avoid falling into the swamping trap
To prevent enthusiasm from becoming suffocating, Seeking.com recommends some simple reflexes:
- Slow down the pace and preserve its autonomy;
- Favor sincere messages rather than an avalanche of small sentences;
- Respect the tempo of the other, so that the relationship remains balanced;
- Check your motivations: does the desire to constantly contact the other hides real interest or only a need for reinsurance?
Emma Hathorn concludes by warning against an even more sneaky consequence: “Being too present too early can turn against you: it may scare away, create pressure and upset the natural rhythm of the relationship. In addition, this can expose you by pushing yourself to reveal personal information too quickly that should only be shared when confidence is installed. In other words, wanting to precipitate intimacy often ends up saboturing the proximity you are trying to create“.