The confession went around the world in a few hours. During the December 3 episode of the New Heights podcast, Travis Kelce confided that he had not argued with Taylor Swift since the start of their relationship, which began in the fall of 2023. Faced with his brother Jason Kelce, he replied: “Well, it’s only been two and a half years, and you’re right, I didn’t argue“, before adding: “Never once“. A revelation which gives the image of a perfectly aligned couple, but which raises a simple question: is this really a sign of romantic balance? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, answers this question.
An apparent harmony that can hide unsaid things
For the psychologist, it would be misleading to automatically associate the absence of arguments and the solidity of the couple. “An idyllic relationship is a dream, of course“, she slips. However, the expert immediately tempers: “We might believe that a couple without conflicts is a balanced couple. But it’s not that simple…“.
According to her, a smooth understanding can hide unexpressed tensions, voluntarily avoided. “Never arguing does not necessarily mean there is no tension. Sometimes, this simply means avoiding certain angry topics. For fear of hurting people. For fear of being left. Or because we grew up with this idea: that love, true love, is always peaceful… An obviously false idea“.
Over time, this restraint can even become a barrier to closeness. The expert warns against gradual distancing: “And this silence, in the long term, can widen emotional distance. So be careful!“.
When the absence of arguments ends up showing up elsewhere
However, unexpressed tensions do not disappear. Amélie Boukhobza explains that they often find other ways to emerge: “What we do not dare to express often ends up manifesting itself elsewhere: in a decline in desire, dull irritations, an insidious weariness. Disputes, however, are for that purpose: to say what you have to say, in a few words. Everything else is useless and sometimes leaves indelible traces“.
For her, the argument plays a simple but essential role for “say what cannot be said otherwise. The subject comes out and that’s it. It’s said. We can move on“.
Would arguments be essential?
Not really, clarifies the expert.
The real issue has more to do with the partners’ ability to confront each other: “No, arguments are not obligatory. But being able to confront each other, yes. Knowing how to tell when everyday life is not going well. Knowing how to listen, too. Arguing is not disrespecting each other. It’s daring to be true. In a couple, the real challenge often lies in this: being two while remaining yourself. Adjust without fading“.