A truth that can hurt. According to a survey carried out in England a few years ago, 50% of women in a relationship (out of 1,000 women surveyed) have already thought about a replacement in the event of a breakup. Just in case. So that makes one in 2 women who would have a plan B, very often an old friend who has always had feelings, an ex-boyfriend or even a colleague… In short, a person they have known for more than 7 years. A question of anticipation that raises questions about the sincerity of their love? Not necessarily.
An emotional safety net
According to the conclusions of the study, this plan B (or at least “the impression of having a plan B) would in reality play the role of emotional insurance. Even engaged in a stable relationship, some women would thus maintain contact – real or symbolic – capable of supporting them if things go wrong.”In a relationship, anything can happen”summarizes OnePoll, which underlines how this practice aims above all to reduce romantic uncertainty.
An idea that is more fantasy than reality
For clinical psychologist Amélie Boukhobza, this observation echoes what she observes in consultation:
“I didn’t know about this study, but the substance is interesting. And I think there is something true in it. Afterwards, fantasy or reality? Let’s see. Is there really a hidden crush, or is it mainly a way of reassuring yourself? I would lean more towards the second option: a bit like ensuring an emergency exit.”
Indeed, this “plan B” does not necessarily involve a lover, in the starting blocks, ready to pounce. It could also be an idealized ex, a vaguely attractive colleague, or even a simple imaginary projection. A sort of internal scenario which allows us to say: “If this stops, I won’t fall into the void. I’ll get through this too.”
A psychological crutch more than adultery
Amélie Boukhobza insists: this mechanism should not be confused with assumed infidelity.
“Psychologically, it says something more about the fear of abandonment. We cope better with a weakened relationship when we tell ourselves that we won’t be totally alone if it fails. It’s a crutch, not adultery. And in reality, this plan B is rarely a real love project.”
In other words, the presence of this “second man” acts as an internal assurance, an imaginary safeguard which allows us to better tolerate the uncertainties of life together. In reality, there is no real reason to be wary of every male colleague or friend of your partner… if all goes well.
Living with uncertainty: what if it remotivated us?
While this phenomenon may worry some men, it above all reflects a universal fragility: the fear of finding oneself alone. For many women, maintaining this “escape route” is less of a betrayal than a way of coping with the anxiety of modern couples. As for men, the investigation concludes: “This news could make some men in relationships think twice before taking out the trash or choosing a night out at the pub instead of a cozy evening with their partner.” What if imaginary competition had the power to review your priorities and strengthen your relationship?