Over the years, it is common for exchanges within a couple to become more functional than emotional. Who will pick up the children? What’s for dinner? Are the bills paid? While these discussions are essential, they are not enough to nourish the relationship in the long term.
For Mark Travers, psychologist specializing in couple relationships, it is not the lack of love that weakens partners, but the fact of believing that they already know each other perfectly. In reality, everyone is constantly evolving, with new desires, new concerns and new projects. This is why he believes that the happiest couples continue to discover each other day after day. And those who are still doing just as well after years talk about 5 topics every day.
They get news… about their relationship
The first subject may be surprising: partners regularly talk about their relationship itself.
“Couples who thrive always take the time to check that their partner is happy”explains Mark Travers.
In practice, it is not a question of organizing long discussions, but simply of asking questions from time to time such as: “Do you feel loved?”,
“Am I supporting you enough?”or even “Is there anything we could improve?”.
These little “emotional checks” help defuse frustrations before they take hold.
They share what they’re excited about right now
Even after several years of living together, everyone continues to discover new passions.
A series that captivates you, an exciting podcast, a recipe tested on the weekend, a song that you listen to over and over… All these little everyday subjects maintain curiosity about others.
According to Mark Travers, it’s a way of reminding us that no one stops evolving, even after years of relationship.
They talk about their dreams… even the most improbable
Happy couples don’t just discuss their next vacation or their spending. They also continue to imagine their future together.
Whether it’s a realistic project, like moving or changing jobs, or a more fanciful dream, these conversations give the feeling of building something together.
As the psychologist points out: “We are constantly growing and evolving…and we do it together.”
They dare to talk about their fears and their stress
A difficult day, a professional worry, a drop in morale or a doubt about the future… The strongest couples don’t wait until the situation becomes critical to talk about it.
For Mark Travers, a quality relationship must be “a safe space where partners face their difficulties together, as a team”.
Sharing your concerns reinforces the feeling of mutual support and prevents everyone from isolating themselves with their concerns.
They also leave room for the lightest conversations
Not all discussions need to be deep. The thoughts that cross your mind in the shower, a funny anecdote, an unusual question or a joke can also strengthen bonding.
“Adding a little spontaneity and fantasy to conversations leaves more room for laughter… and even intimacy”recalls Mark Travers.
These moments of lightness also contribute to the strength of the couple.
How to adopt this habit when you are short on time?
Good news: no need to set aside an entire evening for these discussions.
Mark Travers simply recommends taking advantage of the moments already present in the day: asking your partner how they feel when they wake up, sending them a thoughtful message during the day, or spending ten minutes in the evening discussing what struck you, your desires or your concerns.
These conversations only take a few minutes, but they allow us to maintain what is often the strength of the happiest couples: curiosity, listening and the feeling of continuing to move forward together.