Failing to shout their love from the rooftops, given the times, many couples display it on the networks. Their best profiles and smiles together, on the beach, at a restaurant, with friends… or even vegging out at home. But why this need to “show off” your relationship, in front of everyone, more than simply experiencing the moment together?
We asked Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, the question.
A showcase effect, which can say love like something else
Rest assured, if you’re a fan of couple stories, posting a few photos of two isn’t necessarily worrying. For many, social media has simply become the modern equivalent of the family photo album.
“We share so many things today on social networks: our meals, our vacations, our children, our purchases, our activities… Almost all our actions”observes clinical psychologist Amélie Boukhobza. In this context, also showing your romantic relationship is not surprising.
However, the specialist refuses hasty conclusions.
“Is it a good idea to post photos of your relationship? My answer is: neither yes nor no. In this case, it depends a lot on the context”she emphasizes.
One image, several target audiences
When the account is private and mainly followed by family and friends, social networks can simply be used to share memories or provide news.
“It ultimately looks like a kind of modern family album.”summarizes the psychologist.
However, the situation is different when the publications are intended for a wide audience. “The question is not posed in quite the same way when you have a large audience or when you are a public person. There, the situation changes. Because private life becomes public”explains Amélie Boukhobza.
When the couple becomes content
From the moment the relationship is exposed, it ceases to be experienced solely by both partners. It also becomes an object watched, commented on and sometimes judged by thousands of people.
“The relationship is no longer just experienced. It is also looked at, commented on, certainly idealized, sometimes criticized”underlines the psychologist.
The motivations can then be multiple. Some people just like to share their happiness. Others want to make their partner visible in their daily lives or include their community more in their personal life. But sometimes posts meet a deeper need.
“There are also those who find in these publications a form of recognition or validation. That’s another subject,” notes the specialist.
This is also what several scientific studies have observed. Some studies suggest that couples who post romantic content most frequently are not necessarily the most satisfied with their relationship. For some, these publications can serve to reassure others… but also to reassure themselves.
The real risk: forgetting to live as a couple
For Amélie Boukhobza, the debate is ultimately not whether or not to publish photos of her partner. The real question is elsewhere.
“What happens to the relationship when one part of it is constantly exposed to the gaze of others?”she asks.
Because the couple also fulfills an essential function: that of an intimate space, protected from outside eyes. “The couple is a place where we can exist far from comments, judgments and external expectations. recalls the psychologist.
However, when publications take up too much space, the balance can become fragile. By looking for the perfect shot or validation from subscribers, some partners risk shifting their attention.
“Relationship builds us. It constitutes us. It belongs first and foremost to those who experience it. And by wanting to show it too much, we sometimes risk forgetting that its primary function is not to be looked at, but to be experienced”insists Amélie Boukhobza.
A question of balance more than the right angle
According to her, everything is a question of measurement. There’s nothing wrong with occasionally posting a memory or a happy moment. On the other hand, a warning sign can appear when the energy devoted to showing the couple exceeds that invested in the relationship itself.
“The problem perhaps begins when we devote more energy to showing off our relationship than to taking care of the relationship. When the way others see it becomes more important than what is happening between the two people,” concludes the psychologist.