Dating apps, beginnings of a relationship, hesitant feelings… Many wonder why they can’t truly fall in love. We can feel a strong bond without real physical attraction. Conversely, intense passion can die out as quickly as it appeared.
It is on this subject that Antonio Bolinches, a 78-year-old Spanish psychologist and sexologist, drew attention in the summer of 2025. In a video relayed by La Vanguardia, he summarizes love in two essential conditions.
Born in 1947 in Barcelona, the specialist states: “The first prerequisite for falling in love is that you like the person physically and the second that they bring you relational comfort“. According to him, physical attraction gives rise to desire. Relational comfort allows the relationship to last.
Physical attraction: the first condition of Antonio Bolinches
For Antonio Bolinches, physical attraction is not superficial. It constitutes the starting point of the romantic relationship.
As he explains: “It is not enough to please emotionally; chemistry matters.”
According to him, desire plays a triggering role. Without this attraction, the relationship often remains at the stage of friendship, even if the exchanges are rich and the complicity is real. Many hope that an intellectual connection will be enough. However, they end up realizing that the desire never appeared.
Conversely, a relationship based solely on physical attraction lacks solidity. Antonio Bolinches believes that strong chemistry, without a real emotional connection, often leads to a short or conflicting story. When passion wanes, differences in values, lack of trust or the absence of a common project appear more clearly.
Relational comfort: the security that makes love last
Once attraction is established, Antonio Bolinches considers relational comfort as the second essential condition.
He defines it this way: “being able to be with others without stressing, without calculating what we say to appear interesting“.
This emotional security manifests itself on a daily basis. We dare to send a message without fearing the other’s reaction. We express our doubts without fear of being judged. We show our vulnerability without being belittled.
The psychologist invites everyone to question themselves. Do you still feel desire for this person? Do you still like his smile, his gestures, his presence? Do you feel free to be yourself? Are disagreements resolved calmly? Do you feel respected in the moments when you are most fragile? When the answer to these questions is positive, the two conditions he describes are often met.
When one of the two conditions is missing, according to Antonio Bolinches
For Antonio Bolinches, two situations recur frequently. The first associates a strong desire with an unstable relationship. It often leads to a short story, marked by tensions and conflicts.
The second is based on great complicity, but without real physical attraction. The relationship then ends up looking more like an affectionate roommate than a love story.
His message is simple: before committing, it is better to check that desire and relational comfort are present at the same time. According to him, this is the balance that gives a relationship the best chance of lasting.