According to a strong 30 -year leadership consultant, the hardest individuals to manage are not necessarily the most noisy or authoritarian … but those plagued by doubt. These people “very unclean“, according to the terms of Amy Gallo, expert in professional relations at Harvard, can become real brakes on team dynamics. Far from being harmless, their toxic behavior often find their origin in a lack of confidence deeply anchored. Here are the seven signs that must alert you – and the concrete tracks to face it.
Obsessed with what others think
Their first reflex is never action, but verification: “What will others think if I do this?“This hypersensitivity to the external gaze transforms each decision into an test. This constant need for recognition creates collective paralysis and sometimes pushes to inaction. In a team, this can slow down a whole project.
Faced with this insecurity, the expert recommends adopting an active listening posture without fueling the spiral: “The more you validate their doubts, the more they fall back on themselves“.
Unable to take a clear position
At each meeting, the scenario is repeated: these people avoid deciding, remain unclear and spend their time “return the question”. According to Amy Gallo, “Not expressing a firm opinion, even on minor subjects, is a way to protect yourself from a possible judgment“.
The problem ? This attitude tires colleagues and makes any exchange unproductive. To manage this flight forward, it is advisable to supervise discussions with closed questions and set clear deadlines.
Blocked in the face of the slightest decision
Even choosing a room for a meeting becomes a source of anxiety. “”They can spend an hour hesitating for an unimportant detail“, Observes the consultant. This behavior hides a constant fear of error, typical of personalities very unsafe.
The trick: to offer decisions in stages. For example : “Let’s try this solution for three weeks, then make a point“. This division reduces uncertainty and encourages action.
They discreetly sabothed projects
Change the priorities along the way, question the decisions already voted … under the guise of “wishing to do well”, these colleagues disrupt the progress of the projects. “”They seek to regain control, because uncertainty makes them anxious“, Analysis the expert.
It is recommended to fix the key stages of a upstream project together and validate them face-to-face, to limit unforeseen reversals.
They lower the others to exist
A darker line sometimes arises: the need to lower others to feel competent. This colleague who quips your ideas in a meeting? It is not always by free wickedness, but often to hide your own insecurity.
Rather than responding frontally, it is better to reframe with calm and divert the conversation to the facts: “Let’s stay on the objectives, what are the next steps?“”
They are falsely overwhelmed
They like to say overwhelmed and insist heavily on their “busy schedule”, even when it does not reflect reality. This need to appear essential betrays an underlying anxiety: that of being deemed unnecessary.
To defuse this dynamic, favor head-to-head exchanges, far from the group. An informal coffee often makes it possible to understand their real challenges and to relaunch a healthier relationship.
They make you doubt … of yourself
Last sign, and not least: these people have the gift of making you question each of your gestures. “”Why did you do this like that? Are you sure?“Behind this paranoia hides a need for control.
The trap would be to respond to all their concerns. Instead, structure your exchanges: “Here is what I’m sure, that’s what I think, and what I still have to validate“. This transparency calms their anxiety – and prevents it from becoming contagious.