As they celebrate what should be the best day of their lives, the newlyweds do not suspect that their smallest choices will be dissected. From photobooth to cocktails, including the table plan or the wedding dress, many who improvise criticism from the party. What do these free judgments say about us, made on this personal event? Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist, enlightens us.
Reflections distilled throughout the evening
While the “show”Four marriages for a honeymoon“Cartoon in France, and highlights the certain taste of the French for this symbolic celebration, one can only wonder about the small reflections and remarks that are in marriages.
“It is, not surprisingly, a bad Crémant”, “her Boudine dress”, “her speech, it looks like a copy and paste of Chatgpt”, “The dishes took an hour to arrive” … So many remarks slipped over the evening, as if, the guests had a right to look at the festivities.
And yet, since marriages are increasingly “marketed” and meticulously orchestrated (the initials of the bride and groom invite themselves for example on towels, menus or guest gifts), the expectations of the guests fly away.
But is this tendency to adopt a posture of “judge” justified? Here is what Amélie Boukhobza, clinical psychologist thinks.
Marriage awakens memories, injuries and buried dreams
“They said yes. It was pretty. The atmosphere was good. But … there was too much speeches. The DJ was not up to it. The dress lacked a little pep. And this choice as a main dish, frankly?” We all know someone who said these kinds of comments. Sometimes it’s even us. But where does this almost irrepressible need come from commenting, judging, comparing? Why can’t we help it? ” wonders Amélie Boukhobza.
In reality, if it is so difficult to simply enjoy without assessing, it is because a marriage is never neutral.
“This is a concentrate of affects, a projection theater. Wedding awakens memories, injuries, buried dreams or poorly digested anger. Those who are in a relationship compare. We were better …! Those who are not wondering if they will be one day. They envy, therefore criticize, jealous … and finally, those who have been replaying their own history, in silence”, reveals the practitioner.
And all that, we don’t say it. So … we criticize.
“We evoke the buffet, the budget, the dragees, but often, it is something that is affected: a feeling of exclusion, a narcissistic injury, an intimate doubt. Rather than admitting it, we groan, because adopting this posture is always easier. And that avoids any questioning! Criticizing becomes a means of resuming a little control over a party where we may be put away. less on the party itself than on what she stirred in each of us … “, concludes the expert.