Studying abroad, professional transfer… Many couples today are forced to live remotely. And despite sincere love – and all the good will in the world – it is not always easy to manage the lack, frustration or desire between two countries. The good news? Masturbation could be a great “tool” to better experience this separation, say researchers.
A way to better cope with absence
To reach this conclusion, researchers analyzed fourteen studies involving nearly 9,000 adults experiencing a physical separation from their partner. They were also interested in the frequency of masturbation, the motivations of the participants as well as the impact of this gesture on their psychological well-being, their sexual satisfaction and their relationship as a couple.
In detail, “We wanted to know if masturbation only served to replace sex with a partner or if it also helped to cope with loneliness, stress or the need for intimacy”explains the lead author of the study.
Result ? Their work shows that masturbation can indeed help certain people to better tolerate distance. It allows not only to satisfy one’s own sexual needs, but also to provide a certain comfort. Because the long-distance relationship does not only create a “physical” lack: we can also feel sad, frustrated or just terribly alone without our partner.
However, here, pleasuring yourself sexually could play a role of “emotional support”, indicate the researchers.
In other words, masturbation could allow some people to feel better mentally (by helping them to get through certain difficult periods more peacefully) despite the absence of their partner.
Effects that vary from one person to another
While masturbation relieves the body and mind, not everyone benefits from its effects in the same way. Some individuals are in fact less sensitive to its benefits, the researchers reveal. Worse still, it could reinforce the feeling of loneliness in certain situations.
And this is explained by the way in which this practice is… perceived. When you masturbate without guilt or judgment, it seems more often associated with positive effects.
Conversely, people who feel shame or discomfort around masturbation may have more difficulty benefiting from it.
A practice that does not call into question feelings
Through this work, the researchers also want to deconstruct a persistent preconceived idea: masturbating when you are in a relationship does not necessarily mean that you are less in love or that the relationship is going badly.
In a long-distance relationship, this practice can simply be another way of managing lack. It does not replace the feelings, the complicity, or the attachment that one feels towards their lover.
For the authors, it is therefore important to take a less guilty look at masturbation. When experienced peacefully, it can help certain people to better tolerate separation and preserve their balance… until the next reunion!
And for those who have difficulty touching their genital areas, it is always possible to start having fun by “using a sex toy”,
advises Céline Vendé, sexologist therapist. This option can indeed allow some people to overcome this psychological barrier.
Then, a few “tips” allow you to fully enjoy this moment:
- Create a friendly atmosphere. “Why not try masturbating in the shower, with a scented shower gel and music that you like? Or under a cozy blanket“, underlines the sexologist;
- Find out if you’re just starting out. “Tutorials, videos, podcasts, books
(Enjoyment Club)… There are many sources of information that can help you demystify masturbation and get started gradually. Most importantly: listen to your body and have fun“, recalls the expert; - Don’t put extra pressure on yourself. “The objective here is not so much to achieve orgasm, but rather to reconnect with your body and take pleasure in it, like a date with yourself. In summary, we think about ourselves!“, concludes Céline Vendé.