We say them almost mechanically to apologize, to soften what we feel, to not disturb… But by trying to smooth things over, we show our interlocutors that we are not that important, that our will is not “up to par”… What are these phrases that do you a disservice, and why? Decryption from our psychologist.
“Sorry” Or “Sorry for…“
We often start a sentence with these words, even when there is nothing to apologize for. It’s a way of withdrawing, of minimizing one’s presence. But by dint of apologizing for being there, we end up getting the idea across… that we’re in the way. Better to barter instead”Sorry again for my delay“by one”Thank you for being patient“, which doesn’t sideline you.
“I’m just…“
Just tired. Just disagree. Just a little worried. “This “just” is a reducer of truth. It eats away at legitimacy” warns our psychologist. We water down, we plane down what we would like to express. As if saying things frankly was already too much. But you are not just you, or half of a person. You have a voice, use it.
“I’m too sensitive“
This phrase, often repeated, establishes the idea that what we feel is a problem. An anomaly to correct. “Whereas in reality, it often reflects a fine capacity to perceive, to feel, to react. It is not “too” sensitive, it is just sensitive as it should be.”
“I’m probably overreacting“
This reflex is often that of the person who has learned to doubt their feelings. As if the emotion was automatically suspect. She is disqualified before even having named her. And in doing so, we invalidate ourselves.
“It’s not that serious…“
Sometimes, yes. It’s serious. But we learned to minimize. To compare. To be silent. Saying that it’s “not that serious” is often a way of preventing yourself from seeing what’s really going on.
“What I’m about to say will seem strange to you…“
This sentence already says: “I’m not legitimate. What I think may not be worth saying.” We take the lead, as if to apologize for having a personal point of view. And often, what we were going to say was anything but weird. It was just true. And if it’s important to you, it matters.
These little sentences eat away at your confidence. They create an insidious doubt. We can therefore learn to spot them. And sometimes just cut them off. Because we don’t have to apologize for feeling, thinking, or taking our place. So be careful with your words, and what you let shine through.