It’s a great classic. In films, series… or in real life, the single person who arrives at Christmas dinner is often presented as the black sheep of the family. The one who “can’t settle down”, who would be “too demanding”, or who we secretly dream of settling down before dessert (Bridget Jones remains the ultimate icon of the genre). At the other end of the spectrum, there is also the newly separated adult, viewed with a hint of pity. In short, the place is not always enviable. And yet, beyond the ritual question — “So, you haven’t met anyone?” — being single at Christmas is neither a defect nor a reason to be depressed.
The ultimate luxury: no negotiation
As Amélie Boukhobza reminds True Medical: “It’s true that, at first glance, we might say to ourselves: “Ah… being single during the holidays is sad.” As if something was wrong. As if we had missed something. Whereas once you get past the layer of social expectations, frankly, there are benefits that are little talked about. And which still deserve to be said.
And the first advantage – and not the least – is rather appreciable: no negotiation at Christmas.
“No need to juggle two families, count the hours, calculate who to see first or pretend to be everywhere at once. When you’re single, you choose. Where you go. With whom. And even… if you don’t go” establishes the psychologist.
In this context, no holiday marathon, no precise planning. We arrive when we want, we leave when we want, we cut it short if the atmosphere becomes heavy. An immense luxury, especially when we know, from hearing it all year in consultation, to what extent the holidays can awaken tensions, guilt and emotional fatigue.
Without a couple, less theater
Being single also means avoiding the drama of being a couple. The one that we exhibit, that we analyze, that we sometimes comment on a little too much. The questions that arise around the table:
“So, are things going well between you?”, “And when is the baby due?”, “And the second?”
“When you’re alone, there’s no need to maintain a facade, or pretend that everything is fine to keep the atmosphere going. No effort to make it ‘fit’. Being single, sometimes, just means being calmer” adds our expert.
A precious face-to-face meeting with yourself
You’ve probably noticed that parties have this strange power: they amplify everything. Lacks, memories, emotions, but also impulses and awareness.
So when we’re in a relationship, we can sometimes hide a little bit in the relationship. When we are alone, we are more in touch with what it feels like. It’s not always comfortable, of course, but it’s often fairer.
“It’s a moment of lucidity, almost an airlock. A time to take stock. To feel what we really want. And, above all, what we no longer want. An internal clarification that can become valuable for the future.”
The holidays become a time to take stock, and sometimes a beneficial kick-off.
No, being single at Christmas doesn’t have to be “a disappointment”
Finally, let’s say it clearly: being determined by your celibacy (if that is the case) is a mistake. “There’s nothing disappointing about being single during the holidays.” insists our expert.
“This does not make you a disappointing person, nor incomplete, nor late. This idea is above all a deeply rooted cultural heritage, which still associates Christmas with the couple and emotional success.”
However, being in a relationship is neither an indicator of maturity, stability, nor personal success. It is one configuration among others. Nothing more.
Better yet: Sometimes being single at Christmas is a form of consistency, which is not pretending. Not being with someone “so as not to be alone”. Do not fill a void with a presence that does not really create a connection. “Be honest with yourself when it’s not what you want. Or just not the right timing. Nothing about a failure, it’s sometimes even a choice” concludes our psychologist.
What if, this year, the real Christmas gift was precisely that?