When you love, you want to believe it. To the sincerity of looks, little attentions, to beautiful promises. However, certain relationships are less based on love than on fear, interest or lack. Psychologist Amélie Boukhobza invites you to open her eyes to these deceptive forms of attachment, which can hurt in the long term. “”There is love and he loves bad reasons“, she warns. And if these reasons are not always easy to detect, some signals should alert us.
He sees you as a solution, not as a person
“”If your partner seems to love you only because you fill a lack or because you repair an injury (most often linked to his past), it is not love, it is an emotional dependence. You are not there to play Saviors or therapists“. In this case, you become an emotional dressing, not a beloved partner for what you are.
It idealizes you … until collapse
“”Are you perfect in his eyes? Beware. Idealization is never a proof of solid love, because it denies your nuances, your faults. She denies you totally! And the day when the perfect image collapses … it’s often the crash“. The idealization locks you up in an unreal role, and all fragility then becomes a” betrayal “.
He controls you under cover of love
Jealousy? Controlled schedules? The demanding texts? It is not passion, it is a takeover. “”Love is not an exclusivity contract where every minute of your life is dedicated to the other. Nor is it jealousy, control or a desire to isolate you from others, otherwise we completely move away from a healthy relationship“, warns the psychologist.
He projects his desires on your couple
“”If everything is always saying “for you two” but that ultimately you don’t really have your say, he doesn’t love you, he only likes the idea that he has of your couple. And often that means that he misses who you really are“. By dint of dreaming of a” us “, some forget to listen to the other.
It makes you feel guilty when you are not up to the task
Frequent reproaches, veiled criticism, emotional pressure … “The constant reproaches, because you are not enough this or too much, are not evidence of love either. It is a sign that he loves you under conditions, which is anything but reassuring“. This type of conditional love uses, abysses, encloses.
True love is not perfect, but it is free, welcoming and lucid. “”Because to love for good reasons is to love the other with your strengths, your weaknesses, without trying to fill a void or necessarily get something in return“Concludes Amélie Boukhobza.