You have probably noticed it in your circle of friends or during your professional meetings: some people take the discussion. They intervene at any time without asking for permission. An often frustrating action which is due, for many, of impoliteness. “Do not cut the floor” We often say to children who are too enthusiastic about telling a story. But what does that mean when it is an adult?
A multitasking brain in full action
In reality, cutting the word is not necessarily the sign of a lack of consideration for the other. From a neuropsychological point of view, our brain does not work in a linear way. When listening to someone, the temporal lobe decodes language, while other areas are already preparing an answer. This multitasking function can cause premature speaking. The interruption then becomes almost automatic, especially with some profiles.
Working memory: an emergency to speak
This need to intervene immediately is often linked to what researchers call working memory: a kind of temporary mental notebook. When an idea arises, especially in a stressful context, some people fear forgetting it if they do not formulate it immediately.
This is particularly true in anxious people or in dense social environments such as meetings, debates or animated meals.
Speak to create a link (excessively)
Amélie Boukhobza, psychologist, also points out that this behavior is not always hostile or selfish.
“There are those who want to participate. Intensely. Because they think with the other. Because they want to be in it. Even if it overflows.”
In these people, interruption is sometimes a sign of emotional commitment, a way to show that we are there, that we understand, that we share.
The weight of emotion also plays
Finally when a subject touches us personally, it becomes more difficult to remain passive. We react quickly, sometimes too much. Sharing a similar anecdote or a strong emotion becomes a way of connecting to the other, even if it cuts off. Here again, it is not a desire to dominate, but a strong emotional impulse, which overflows the usual framework of the conversation.
Relational consequences
Despite these explanations, cutting speech can have a negative impact on relationships. According to the Berkeley Institute for Wellbeing,, “Do not feel listened to creates frustration and emotional distance.” In the private frame, it can silence the other or push him to close.
In the professional world, this can be interpreted as evidence of ego, even a lack of respect for hierarchies or communication rules.
What if we were to listen to?
As Amélie Boukhobza reminds us, there is also another category of people: those who simply do not know how to listen. “Because listening supposes to make room for the other, to suspend your need to be right, to be heard, to shine.”
Learning to respect the silences, to let the other finish, to wait for his turn, it’s not just a question of politeness. It is a real act of presence.
In the other direction if the problem persists and becomes really too invasive, “You can just say things. Explain, with tactthat we need a slightly more balanced exchange “, she concludes. It’s better than speaking even stronger.